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A strange feeling, sweet and sad, melts across his face. He puts the book down and takes my face in his hand. “Jonah?”
“Yeah?” I don’t even know what he’s about to say, but my heart starts beating faster. It feels important, maybe too important, maybe the moment before he gives me something I’ve never had before. Maybe when I have the courage to give it back.
“I—” He stops, his hand curling into a fist against my back. “Never mind.”
“Wait, what was it?”
He just squeezes my shoulder. “I’ll tell you later.” He opens the book, but I put my hand over the page until he looks at me.
“We said we would try while your friends were here, and now they’re gone. If you want it to be over, please just tell me.”
“No, no.” He grabs my jaw gently, stroking his thumb along the pulse in my neck. “No, that’s not it at all.”
My heart lifts a little. “You want to keep trying?”
His mouth tips into a slight smile. “Look at you. I don’t think I have a choice. I’m worried about my case, the strain it might put on us. But I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself if we don’t try.”
I remember what Colson told me, that Gray’s not going to win his case. But he said it himself–he’s just a petty, jealous ex. “I’ve been thinking.” Sitting up, I study Gray’s strong jaw, his big nose and full lips and refined cheekbones. His hazel eyes behind those glasses. And somehow, somehow, it’s all mine. “I want to come clean with my parents about school so that I can talk about being bi and tell them I'm seeing someone. That is, if you’re on board.”
Maybe I expected him to freak out or get annoyed, but I didn’t expect him to laugh. Based on the look on his face, he didn’t expect it either. “Sorry.” He puts his hand over his mouth. “It’s just…no one has ever asked to tell their parents about me before. Colson didn’t have family. I feel like a high schooler, having to meet my date’s dad before I can take them to prom.”
At the thought of my dad meeting Gray on the step with a gun—Get my little girl home before ten and no funny business—I break up laughing, too. Then I crawl between his legs and cup his chin in my hand. “Close your eyes.”
My heart aches when his eyelids drift shut without hesitation, hiding those deep, hazy irises. This man's trust has been broken down and beaten out of him so many times, but he's offering me the few precious scraps he has left. He lets himself groan softly when I take his mouth, tipping his head back against the wall, his whole body relaxing under me as I search desperately for any way to tell him how he makes me feel, any language that doesn't need words. Because I've never been any good with words.
When I finally sit back, breathing hard, he opens his eyes and holds my gaze. I can't tell if he understood what I was trying to say or not. Then he looks away, hunting through the book to find where we left off. I nuzzle my face into his lap, both of us stretched naked across the bed, and loop my arm under his leg, stroking the inside of his thigh slowly, softly while he reads.
