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My eyes open, my head against Gray’s shoulder. I fucking fell asleep. Fuck me. I hate myself for doing it, and I hate him for letting me.
“I’ll be back in a week,” he says a little helplessly. “Waiting for you.” I haven’t bought return tickets from Iowa yet; when I tried, I realized it would hurt less not to book them at all than it would to cancel them later.
As we stand, he looks me up and down like it’s the first time we’ve met, like when he stared at me on that plane and I saidHi, I have no idea what I’m doing.
I still don’t.
But I do know how much it hurts to live without a purpose, especially for him. And all I want in this world is for him to be happy. Even if that doesn’t include me.
Part of me hopes he’ll say something, the same words I want to say to him, fighting to fall off the tip of my tongue.
He just says, “I’ll see you soon.” Even though we don’t know if it’s true.
“Uh-huh.” I blink, fighting not to let my face crumple up.
I’m losing that battle, so I throw my arms around him before he can see. My lopsided hug, the one that makes him feel safe. His arms wrap around me, his hand cradling the back of my head, his breath in my hair. “Jonah,” he murmurs, like that’s a complete sentence.
When he lets go, I squeeze tighter.
I take it back.
I changed my mind.
Don’t go.
I bite my lip so hard I can taste blood to make sure the words don’t get out as I let go of him. He grabs his bag, heading for the line, then turns around abruptly. Taking my jaw in his hand, he walks me back against the big windows, fuck whoever’s watching, and kisses me. We fight with our mouths, tongues and heat, the things we can’t say and the battles we can’t win, all buried in a kiss that tastes like tea and honey.
He breaks off, breathing hard.
“Go on.” I nod to the line. “Go on, baby.”
The corner of his mouth pulls up. “I’m still not sure how I feel about that.”
“Sorry, daddy.”
A couple of people turn to stare, and he finally smiles for real, the smile that I knew was in there from the first time I set eyes on him. Then he disappears into the boarding ramp and I can’t see him anymore.
I slide down the window and sit on the floor between the seats, watching the plane pull away from the gate.
I think I finally found my princess, Mom. He’s six and a half feet tall, grumpy as hell, and talks dirty as sin. And I’m scared I just lost him.
