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Unconsciously, my hand curled into a fist, but I wouldn’t punch him. “You’re a bastard, you know that? You could have asked Eileen sooner. For weeks you’ve watched me drown my sorrows in enough alcohol to drown a sailor.”
“Jesus. Talk about self-pity.”
“If you weren’t my best friend, I’d fucking cut your dick off.”
“After tonight, I have a feeling Sloane will do that for you.” He pushed me off the bar stool. “Why are you still here? Go get your girl.”
I nodded and stumbled towards the door.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Reese
I would never be able to thank Sloane enough for letting me stay at her plush, midtown apartment. When I stepped out of the elevator after walking out on Kane, Sloane had been waiting for me in the lobby and had offered me a place to lie low for a few weeks. She said she felt sorry for me and that I didn’t deserve what Linda and Simon had put me through. That part of the blame was hers because of the rumors she’d intentionally spread about me. It was the closest thing I’d ever get to an apology from her and that was okay.
I took her up on the offer, and for the past three weeks, I’d been hiding out at her apartment while she was staying at her father’s. It was a little like being on vacation or on the run. While I was laying on her plush suede couch looking over the park, I could pretend I was someone else for a bit. Someone who didn’t just lose the love of her life.
I didn’t go online, and I didn’t talk to anyone. I didn’t even Google Kane—as hard as that was. I didn’t give a crap about anything.
Every day I simply went through the motions. I woke up, I sometimes showered, and I lived on takeout. I hadn’t cried in a few days, which was progress.
I couldn’t hide out at Sloane’s forever and would have to find an apartment soon. I needed to start looking for another job, get back to the real world and get on with life.
One thing was for sure, it would be a cold day in hell before I ever fell in love again.
Before I moved into Sloane’s, I’d packed up all my good luck charms and threw them in the garbage—including my star pendant. It was about time I relied on myself for my own luck which meant all of my talismans and superstitions had to go.
It was hard letting go of the past and things I relied on to give me comfort, but I had to. If I wanted to move on, something that had happened in college could no longer dictate my everyday decisions.
When I did get up the courage to go out, I walked under ladders. I’d stopped throwing salt over my shoulders. I’d stopped asking the universe to send good luck my way, and I no longer wore my pendant, but that didn’t stop me reaching for it every now and again.
But I kind of liked my new way of life. It was freeing—liberating.
I loved Kane, God how I loved him, and it would be a long time before I stopped loving him, if ever. But time healed wounds, or maybe time just made them more bearable.
A knock sounded at the door and I sat up on the couch. It was probably Sloane. For all her faults, she allowed me my privacy and didn’t barge in whenever she felt like it.
Tonight, I would tell her I was moving out and that she could have her home back. For a spoiled princess, she was quite nice, sometimes.
I pulled the door open. “You know you can come in without knocking. It’s your apartment…” My words faltered when I saw it wasn’t Sloane standing there. It was Kane.
He looked as tired as I felt. His eyes were bloodshot, and more stubble than usual covered his jaw. He was in a tux, but it was wrinkled and creased. In fact, he looked wretched.
My instinct was to pull him into my arms and to tell him I loved him, but when I went to do that, my heart ached reminding me of all the pain he’d caused me. All of the accusations he’d thrown my way.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, more sharply than I’d intended to.
“We need to talk.” His tone was even, but his eyes begged me.
I blocked the entrance, not allowing him to come in. “We said everything that needed to be said in your office. I’m tired, Kane. I don’t want to do this right now.”
“Too bad because you’re going to listen.” He pushed past me and strode into the apartment. “Give me five minutes. That’s all I need, if after that you still want me to leave, I will.”
“Fine,” I said with an exasperated sigh, “five minutes and not a minute more.”
