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Mina nodded. “Think nothing of it. If anything, you aided me in gathering some experience. It will be valuable for when I”—she pushed a curl behind her ear—“for when I marry, I mean.”
“Marry?” I turned to look at her.
She nodded. “King Algar is trying to kill me. He’s now my enemy. I don’t know much about politics, but my father seemed to have been right about the consequences to King Algar and Louis the Great if I marry into the North. If that’s all it takes to make him pay for attacking us, I take that burden gladly.”
I felt as if a pile of stones was pressing against my ribs. The thought of another man taking her into his arms and tasting her lips and more—I rose to my feet. I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs.
“You don’t agree?” she wondered, rising as well.
“No. I mean, yes.”
She stared at me, confused.
“Your father is right,” I said, steadying my voice. “It would indeed force King Algar into a submissive position and end the war in the North.”
Mina nodded. “With a match like that, maybe I could even force King Algar to abdicate the throne.”
I didn’t catch what she said next. My mind was racing back to the ball when I’d been seeking Mina’s hand in marriage, just like every other suitor. And as cruel as life could be, now she would marry into the North, but not to me. I could have been one of her first choices had I not played along with the king’s plan to take her on this horrific journey. Why had I agreed to bring her north? She wouldn’t see me as a liar but as a young and honorable nobleman from the North. It was true that I came from a much lower rank than other nobles, but many men respected and followed me. I’d developed a reputation during the rebellion.
“Had you intended to marry me?” Her voice brought me back to the river.
“Excuse me?”
“At the ball. When you stepped forward. Was it all part of my father’s plan for this journey north, or were you there to genuinely...ask for my hand?”
My lips moved without words. I was a soldier, had seen countless die on the battlefield, and had commanded men to march to their deaths. But now, in front of this woman, I felt like a shy, speechless boy.
I looked at Mina. Her muddy dress was stained with blood and cut short at the bottom for dressing our wounds. Even her face had a few streaks of mud. The hair every noblewoman would consider her pride and honor was gone. A missed strand that hung below her ear was all that was left. Yet nothing lessened the fire in my chest.
I loved her, and she thought me a barbaric liar. After what I had done, she would most likely prefer King Algar over me.
“What does it matter now?” I finally said in a casual voice. Her gaze dropped to the ground as her hands played with the dirty fabric of her dress.
“Indeed,” she said. “What does it matter now?”
I handed her the bread. She accepted it with a smile and took a bite.
“Eat. There is more. If you want, you can wash by the river as well, but we have to keep moving soon. This place is not safe. And I don’t want to endanger the woman for her kindness, either.”
“I shall join you shortly,” she said and undid the bow of her dress in the back. Then she froze and looked at me as if she had forgotten I was still there.
I cleared my throat and left. Mina was all I ever wanted and so much more. But as much as it hurt . . . she wasn’t mine and never would be.
