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Maman climbed to her feet, grasping the edge of the desk to do so. Papa, already absorbed again in his documents, didn’t seem to notice her struggle. Maman smoothed her gown and came toward Nic, not meeting her eyes.
“And, precious?” Papa said casually, Maman instantly freezing in her tracks. “I have a complicated incantation to work today. I’ll need you in the arcanium for the entire afternoon, possibly into evening. Make sure you’re rested.”
“Yes, Papa,” Maman said, and hurried Nic out of the room.
“It really isa pity you’ll never wear this,” Maman said brightly, helping Nic out of the incredible gown herself.
“Did you know he was going to do this?”Did you know he was going to dothat?Nic wasn’t having much luck with eschewing all emotion. In fact, she felt more emotional than ever. That scene in Papa’s study had shaken her, fueling her panicky need to escape. At the same time, a stupid part of herwantedto wear that dress, to have her papa place her hand in Lord Phel’s, to see Gabriel’s dazzlingly wicked smile again, for him to tell her how beautiful she looked and—just once more—savor that feeling of his magic as it…Stop it, she ordered herself.
“Papa told me he’d take care of obtaining the gown, and I had our seamstresses give him your measurements. Other than that, no, I didn’t know.” Maman was chattering on about the details, perhaps indicating she was as shaken by the conversation—and demonstration—in Papa’s study as Nic had been. Maman carefully hung up the gown, enclosing it again in the protective slipcase, triggering the built-in magical fastenings that would seal it.
Nic—not quite ready to pull on ordinary clothes again—shrugged into her dressing robe and gazed about the room, thinking about what she should take with her. Her girlhood rooms had already been converted into a guest suite months before, all of her childhood toys and mementos put into storage. Once a familiar entered the Betrothal Trials, they didn’t go back to innocent childhood. They moved on, through one path or another, but never backward. Even those who managed to stay with their houses moved into new quarters to reflect their changed status. An unbonded familiar could still be useful to the household wizards, within limitations.
Conversely, the tower room had been redecorated expressly for her, with the fabrics, colors, and furniture Nic had chosen. At first she’d been thrilled by the new, sophisticated rooms. Now she missed her old dolls and beloved, if ragged, plush animals. It hadn’t occurred to her before this to keep any of them—it had been years since she paid the childish things any attention, anyway, especially being away at Convocation Academy for months at a time. Her private room there had been furnished by Papa’s generosity exactly as she’d pleased, too, her every whim granted. And she’d been determined to be as adult as possible.
Nothing in this room held any sentimental value for her—and it occurred to her that perhaps that was a deliberate step, also, when a familiar entered the Trials, preparing them for the break from their family, sending them without ties to serve the wizard who had acquired them.
To shake her mood, she wandered to the window. The heavy curtains had been pulled back to let in the thin winter light, and the metal shutters had been removed, leaving the glass windows clear. Now that Nic was happily set to wed, apparently no one worried about foolish attempts to fling herself from the tower heights. She’d been at least that convincing, though the proctor visited her frequently, asking probing questions. Glad as she was to have an unobstructed view again, she missed the cold bite of the slats against her fingers. The prisoner grown accustomed to the cage.
The snow fell as thickly as ever—possibly more so—enshrouding the hills, flowing white as Gabriel’s hair, except for the dark line of the river, black as the single streak, cold and deep as his magic. Two more nights before he arrived, according to the multitudes of Elal elemental spies and sentry spirits. That meant Nic would be out there in that snow soon. Could she evade those spies and survive on her own, raise a child in some distant land that had barely heard of magic?
The idea seemed more dauntingly impossible than ever.
“Have you changed your mind?” Maman asked softly. She came to Nic’s side, gazing out also.
“Should I?” Nic asked bluntly. She laid her fingers on the chilled glass, the dewy warmth of her fingers making smudges like clouds. “What Papa said… He’ll think me soft and spoiled, that I’m too selfish to assist Lord Phel with rebuilding his house.”
“It would be true,” Maman agreed, “if that was your reason. Is it?”
“No, but Papa will think so.” Nic wasn’t sure she could bear for him to think so poorly of her.
“Your papa said what he did because it would never occur to him to think how you’ll feel if Lord Phel makes you his familiar. You saw what you saw today.” Maman took a breath. “I wouldn’t have chosen for you to see that, but you did, and we won’t pretend it’s not so.”
Nic glanced at Maman, worrying her lip as she studied her mother’s face, still pale and drawn. “Is it awful?”
Maman dipped her chin. “Sometimes. Other times it’s fine, even… fun.” Her mouth twisted. “But with your papa… There is no halfway with him. Hewillhave everything—from me, from his house, from his children, from all the world. You know how he is.” She managed a rueful smile for Nic, then turned her gaze out to the snow-covered landscape and sighed. “Sometimes I think he’ll drain me dry in his quest to have everything—and that knowledge can be awful.”
“Maman…”
“Now,” Maman said briskly, “if we’d managed to snare you a wizard you could control, it would all be different. But the Fascination changes everything.”
“True. I don’t care about the struggle,” Nic said. At least, she thought she didn’t. She might change her mind once she was in the world without support. “I think I’m not that shallow. I do care that I might live with the regret that I didn’t seize my chance at freedom when I could.”I’m afraid I’ll be like you in twenty years, she didn’t say aloud,emptied of everything and unable to keep anything for myself. Living in fear that the man I love will accidentally kill me because he loves power more.
“All is ready for you to leave tonight,” Maman said, still not looking at her.
So soon.But, of course, it had to be.
Maman finally turned to look at her, gaze wistful now. “I’ll miss you… so much.”
“I don’t know what I’ll do without you,” Nic confessed.
“You’ll be fine.” Maman’s eyes shone with pride. “You’re strong, clever, braver than I ever was. If anyone can do this, you can. Unless you’ve changed your mind? Last chance. After this, you mustn’t waver.”
Nic took a deep breath. She would not waver. Her future self would thank her, so her present self would do what was needed, no matter how torn she felt. “What do I need to do?”
Maman patted her cheek. “Exactly as I tell you.”
Nic left inthe early hours before dawn, in the freezing darkness. Maman didn’t come herself, as she didn’t dare risk Papa’s guardians tracking her unusual movements in the night. Instead she sent Tasha with servant’s clothes for Nic to dress in. Tasha helped her dress in the darkness, as they didn’t dare coax the lantern elementals awake. That was the downside of leaving at this time of night. Every tiny elemental attached to daily conveniences as simple as the lanterns could attract the attention of any of the dozens of Elal wizards in the house.
