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He never looked my way. Instead, he sat there.
Silent and unmoving.
What could we even say?
I loved him. He loved me. Even though he never told me, I knew he loved me in his own way. But we never had sex before. I never even hinted at it. I was fine with him just wanting to share women. It never even crossed my mind to ask for more. And now…it was all I could think about. And my confession last night didn’t help.
“Shade.”
“What?” But I wouldn’t meet his gaze. How could I? I had been with the guy for years and I never touched him. Never kissed him. Never even held him. We shared a hug every now and again but that was it. I wasn’t sure what I needed anymore but I knew that I needed something.
“Look at me,” he demanded, that deep voice of his rumbling right to the marrow of my bones.
I may have been submissive when it came to Meadow but there was no way in hell that I was letting—
“Look at me,” he repeated, his voice firmer.
Much to my dismay, I looked at him. Like a good little boy, I did as I was fucking told. All because I couldn’t help it.
“What’s that look for?” Sunny asked, cocking his head to the side.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I murmured, heading up the sidewalk to the house. The small bungalow held so many memories. Happy times along with the sad. I could only hope that one day it would also have a woman living there with us. And maybe a kid or two.
When I went to open the door, a heavy hand cupped my shoulder.
“Shade, submitting is not a bad thing.”
My eyes snapped to his. “I know that. But I refuse to submit to you. I’ve submitted to a man before and look what happened.”
Sunny flinched like I had slapped him. “Are you comparing me to that fucker?”
“Shit.” I shook my head. “No. You’re not him.”
“But submitting to me makes you feel like you’re with him again. And yet, you submit to Meadow.” Sunny chuckled softly. “Wow, Shade. I knew we had issues, but this is…this is something else.”
“You know that’s not what I meant.” I followed him into the house, wishing he would talk to me.
Sunny continued walking down the hall, kicking off his shoes in the process, and tugging off his leather cut. But he didn’t say anything. No. Instead he closed up. Because that was what he did. Sunny Harrison didn’t say shit when he was backed into a corner.
“Sunny.”
Nothing.
“Talk to me.” I was pressing him, and I knew that eventually my pressing would make him blow but I needed something. Anything from him. Even if it was his full wrath.
“What do you want me to say?” he finally asked, throwing his keys into the wooden bowl our nephew had made us when he was a kid. Jaron, although not blood related, had insisted on making all of his uncles something when he had taken woodworking class in school. I wondered if he remembered that.
“I want you to say something. Anything. I don’t give a shit what,” I told Sunny, focusing back on the issue at hand.
“I’m going to take a shower.” Sunny shoved past me but not before I grabbed his arm.
“What are we doing? We’ve never fought over this shit before.” I released his arm and placed my hand against his chest. His heart beat hard beneath my palm.
Sunny’s brows narrowed. “Something changed last night, and I can’t figure out if it was for the better or for fucking worse.” In a quick move, he wrapped a hand around my throat and pushed me up against the wall.
My breath caught.
“You told me you want me to fuck you.” His eyes dropped to my mouth. “But I don’t know if I can. Can you be with me, knowing that this might not become physical?”
