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I pushed away from him. I didn’t answer because I didn’t know. I was too old for this but at the same time, I was fucking terrified that it would be a repeat of the hell my ex-wife put me through.
“Sunny.” Shade stepped in front of me. “Talk to me.”
“I don’t want to fucking talk.”
He placed a hand on my arm, letting it travel up to my shoulder before cupping my nape. “Tell me.”
“Shade.” My body vibrated. I reached out and touched the scruff on his jaw. “No.” I shoved away from him and sat on the couch. “I can’t do this.”
“Fine. Keep telling yourself that, Sunny.” Shade headed down the hall to the bathroom, the sound of the shower starting a moment later.
“Fucking hell.” I pulled my phone from my pocket and opened my last text to Meadow.
Me: I don’t know what I’m doing.
I hit send before I could think twice about how desperate I sounded.
My phone rang.
I jumped, not expecting Meadow to actually call me. “Hey.”
“I’m here, Sunny. Whatever you need. I don’t care that we just met a few days ago.”
I sighed. “You’re something else, pet.”
“You keep telling me that and I’m going to get a big head.” She paused. “Listen though. Whatever you want to do, he’ll let you. He’s patient. Shade loves you.”
“I know.” I dropped my head in my hands.
“I won’t be jealous, if that’s what you’re also worried about, but I would like to join eventually.”
My body stirred at the thought. “I’d like that too.”
“Good. Now get off the phone with me. Take it slow. Kiss. Touch. Fuck. Drink a couple of beers. Watch a movie. Whatever you want. Just know that he’s not going to leave you.”
“How do you know all this when you only just met us?”
“Call it women’s intuition. You guys seemed to figure me out rather quickly. Remember?”
My cock hardened as the memories of Shade calling her out on feelings she wasn’t ready to reveal and then fucking her in front of me.
“Now hang up, Sunny,” Meadow continued, pulling me from my thoughts, “and I’ll see you in a few days. Oh, and I expect you to tell me all the dirty delicious details.” She hung up before I had a chance to respond.
The shower ended, sparking a need to rush through me. Meadow was right about one thing. I needed more. Maybe not full on sex but I needed to let Shade know that I was in this for the long run. When he had given me a blow job, not that it lasted long, no fear had rushed through me. Taking it slow then was what I needed but I enjoyed when he touched me. And now I wanted to touch him and return the favor in a way.
I only wished we would have met Meadow long ago so she could give me the strength from the very beginning to take this to the next step.
“Sunny, listen, I’m sorry about before,” Shade said, coming down the hall and into the living room. “I shouldn’t press you and I need to be patient. This shit with Tanner is fucking with my head and then Meadow being so damn delicious is also messing with me.”
I shot to my feet and closed the distance between us in two long strides.
“What’s going on?” he asked, his eyes wide.
In a quick move, I had my hand back around his throat and shoved him up against the wall.
“Sunny,” he said, his voice deep.
I stared at him. My best friend. My partner. The only person I had ever let into my heart. But I knew that Meadow could join him. She would be the only one besides him that could crack the icy walls that I had built up around the beating muscle so long ago.
