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Sam and I didn’t dwell on our relationship status, but I did like the fact that he reminded me every chance he could that I was his girlfriend. He had told me he never had a girlfriend before and was proud of the fact that he finally had one who could handle him and his mood swings. It hinted at the fact that I was a brat and enjoyed challenging him whenever I could.
As I spent one afternoon cleaning my apartment, my thoughts traveled back to that morning. Sammy woke me up with his mouth between my legs. I shivered, wishing I could have spent the day with him, but he had to work and promised to see me later that night at Rouge. A part of me was thankful he left anyway since I had spent the rest of the morning after he left throwing up. I wasn’t sure what was wrong with me. Over the past few days, these bouts of nausea would come on at random times of the day. It hadn’t happened since we went to see Tiny weeks ago but all of a sudden, it had started up again.
Once I finished sweeping the kitchen, the cleaning distracting me from how I was feeling, I went to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. My eyes landed on the calendar I kept on the freezer door. I frowned, seeing the tiny little star I had drawn on the date I should have started my period. But that date had come and gone, and I still hadn’t started. I had been so wrapped up in Sammy that I had never even noticed. He bought me that bag of tampons and pads after our first night together but that was weeks ago. Maybe even longer? Had it been a couple of months already?
I flipped the page to the previous month and then another, my eyes widening when I realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I had my period. My thoughts recalled the many times Sammy and I had sex. I bled after one time we had gotten carried away. We tried a new position which resulted in him being even deeper inside me. We had assumed that my period was coming. But it never did.
My hand dropped to my stomach. “Oh…shit.”
I couldn’t be. I religiously took my birth control. I knew it wasn’t fool proof of course but it wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be.
Either way, I had to find out. I had to know if I was carrying Sammy’s baby.
Grabbing my bag, I locked up and left the apartment. I was in a fog as I drove to the pharmacy and bought several pregnancy tests and a large jug of orange juice. I didn’t even remember getting back home but here I was, sitting on the edge of the tub, waiting for five tests to do their thing.
When the alarm on my phone went off, indicating that it was time to check them, I took a deep breath. Silencing the alarm, I checked the tests spread out on my bathroom counter.
The wordPregnantstared up at me from one. A pink plus sign was on another. My eyes roamed over all of them. All five tests. All five came back positive.
Pregnant.
I was pregnant.
I couldn’t be and yet I was. Sammy and I hadn’t used protection for a while, but I was still on birth control. It just proved it wasn’t a sure thing.
Would Sammy be mad? Would he react like Aaron had?
As I sat on the floor at the base of my tub, I couldn’t help but think back to the one and only time Ihadbeen pregnant and how my late husband reacted.
“You’re pregnant?” Aaron boomed, his face red with fury.
“I thought you would be happy,” I yelled back, shocked by his sudden outburst.
“Why the hell would I be happy? I don’t want kids. I told you that before we got married.” He was lying. He never told me that shit.
“You said it wasn’t something you longed for but if it happened, you would be happy.” I threw my hands up in the air. “God, I can’t even with you.”
“How do I know it’s actually mine?”
I stopped, slowly turning toward him. “Did you really just ask me that question?”
“I mean, come on, Amber.” He shrugged. “I see you flirting with the other guys in the club. Especially with Tiny.”
“Kellan has nothing to do with this.” Kellan Rose was the Enforcer for Hell’s Harlem at the local chapter and I had been the only one who got away with using his first name. He went by Tiny because he was a beast, but also, nothing but a teddy bear if you were lucky enough to get that side of him.
“Are you sure? You two hang out all the time.”
“We’re friends, not that I have to explain anything to you.” I stomped to our bedroom. Aaron was being an asshole. He had been one for awhile now and I couldn’t handle it anymore. My thoughts traveled to the divorce papers I had stuffed away in my bag, wishing I had the strength to go through with it. I could call up Shawnee like she offered and get her to do it with me. No, I had to be strong. I could do it. I just needed the right moment.
“Not that you have to explain anything to me,” Aaron repeated, following me. “Are you fucking serious right now? You’re my wife. You do have to explain shit to me if I demand it.”
I stopped, spinning on him. “Yeah? Or else what? You going to rape me again?”
His face turned even redder. “I apologized for that.”
I scoffed. “Right, after you got off, had some more beers, and got drunk. That’s when you apologized. While I cried myself to sleep, thinking I did something wrong by wanting to connect with my husband on another level, wishing, praying that you would console me but no, you passed out instead. But please, apologize away, Aaron.”
I could never explain where I got that bravery from, but I remembered how saying those words to him made me feel better. He never apologized. Not for anything he had ever done to me. He was nice before he fell in with the wrong people. The wrong parts of Hell’s Harlem. He wasn’t a good guy. Not like Sammy and the guys he hung out with. I knew no one was perfect and that this chapter was trying to clean up some messes based on what Tiny told me, but even he confirmed that they were good guys and were nowhere near being like Aaron and Will.
