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Once we arrived at my apartment, Sammy parked the bike.
I slid off the back seat and waited for him to do the same.
He killed the engine, turning his head toward me.
“I never wanted kids,” I blurted. “Not at first.”
“Let’s go inside.” Sammy slid off the bike, took our helmets, and locked them up.
He came up to my side, linked his fingers with mine, and led me to the front of the building.
When we were in the elevator, he let go of my hand and leaned against the wall opposite me.
I hugged my arms around myself, not liking the way it felt like he was dissecting me with a mere look.
The elevator doors dinged once we reached my floor. We made our way down the long hall. I almost asked him for the keys when we stopped in front of my door, and he unlocked it himself.
I took a breath and stepped into my home. A place I had felt safe ever since I’d moved in, but now it felt like the walls were closing in around me.
My heart started racing, my skin was clammy and spots danced in my vision. My knees shook, giving out beneath me when arms caught me around the middle.
Before I could stop myself, I turned in Sammy’s arms and threw myself around him.
Sammy captured my mouth in a hard, bruising kiss. It was so deep, so powerful, that I could feel him throughout every inch of me and he wasn’t even inside of me yet.
Ripping at each other’s clothes, I was vaguely aware of him lowering me onto the floor. With his mouth fused to mine, he slowly thrust into me, taking my very breath away.
Amber
“Tell me how youfelt when you first found out.” Sammy brushed his thumb along my bare shoulder, his eyes watching the movement.
“Scared,” I whispered.
His eyes lifted, locking with mine. “Why?”
“I was scared of how you would react. I still am.” I hugged the sheet tighter around my body, hiding my nudity from him. We had moved from the living room to my bedroom, staying connected in a way I had never felt with another person before. I wasn’t sure if it was due to the hormones rushing through me or what it was exactly, but I realized something; I wouldn’t want to do this, although as scary as it was, with anyone else.
“What do you mean?” His fingers brushed down my arm, sending shivers along with it.
“You haven’t given me much here, Sammy. I tell you I’m pregnant and I get nothing from you.” I turned toward him. “I’m sorry. Please don’t think this is my fault.”
Before I could look away, he cupped my face. “I would never think this is your fault.” His eyes moved back and forth, searching my face. “It takes two, baby.”
“I…” I swallowed hard. “I meant what I said before. I never wanted kids. Not after…” I snapped my mouth shut. Was it too soon to tell him about what happened to me and how Aaron died? Was it too soon to tell him about the men who killed him and attacked me while he was dying, so he could watch until he took his final breath?
Sammy frowned. “Not after what?”
I looked down at my hands resting on my lap and took a deep breath. “I got pregnant while I was with Aaron. He didn’t react well and accused me of cheating on him.” My voice cracked. “He was furious. He blew up and said it was all my fault and that I purposely didn’t take my birth control on the right days.” A shuddered breath left me. “He eventually was happy, but it took him a while to warm up to the idea.” I waited for Sammy to ask me questions but when he didn’t and only covered my hands, I took the strength rolling off of him and continued. “He loved me. I know he did. At one point anyway. But in the end, he had moved up the chain of command pretty quickly and I became less and less important to him.” My mind took me back to that night. Back to when my life changed forever. Then I met Sammy and my life changed again.
“There are things I haven’t told you. Things I don’t like to talk about. The night he died. I moved this way after…after…” I couldn’t get the words out.
“Amber.” Sammy hugged me from the side, cupping my head and kissing my temple. “Breathe.”
I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “We had gone to a party and were driving home. It was in another town a couple of hours from where we lived. I didn’t want to go but Aaron insisted. So I went, he drank, and I drove us home. But we ended up getting a flat tire.There was a guy at the party, a couple of them in fact who were hitting on me and they wouldn’t leave me alone. Aaron didn’t do shit about it either.” Memories of that night hit me hard. They came on strong and fast, knocking the breath out of my lungs. “While Aaron was changing the tire, an SUV pulled up. It was the middle of the night, but I thought maybe it was someone Aaron knew, and they saw that we needed help. It was naïve of me. I know that now. It’s maybe why I pushed you away in the beginning. I have a hard time trusting people. Especially men.”
Sammy ran a hand in circles over my upper back. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”
“But I do. I need you to know. Especially since we’re in a relationship and we’re going to have a baby. I can’t have any secrets.” I met his gaze. “I went through that already with Aaron. I can’t do it again. Not with you.”
