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“He’s already had me, why does he want me again?”
It was an innocent question and I knew why she was asking it, but it didn’t mean that it still didn’t piss me off any less. “Because you keep telling him no.”
She sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. “I don’t want him. I never have. Yes, I used him after Aaron died to make me feel better and I’m not overly proud of that, but I told him that I didn’t want anything more. He’s worse than Aaron was. I’ve seen the way he is with women.” She shuddered. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I just…I want this to work for us.”
“I want this to work for us too.” I stared at her, searching her face for a sign. Any sign that she was possibly lying or hiding something else, but when I didn’t see anything, I let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you for telling me all of that. You didn’t have to. I also know that it was hard, so…thank you.”
Amber nodded. “I used to hate talking about my feelings. I don’t know why really. It wasn’t like I had any problems as a kid. I had a good upbringing, even though it was just me and my mom. But I was always shy and insecure. Shawnee has helped bring me out of my shell, but I didn’t really start opening up until later on in my marriage. Will used to always say that my good girl act was just a ruse.” Her eyes locked with mine. “He said that there’s a slut inside of me and he was determined to find her.”
My jaw clenched. I vowed right then that no matter what happened between me and Amber, I would kill him. Since I couldn’t kill Aaron as he was already dead, Will would take the brunt of my wrath for both him and his brother.
“But you found her, Sam,” Amber murmured, pulling me from my thoughts. “She belongs to you and only you. When you call me names, it doesn’t make me feel any less about myself. It makes me feel quite the opposite. It doesn’t offend me or make me feel less important either. It makes me feel connected to you on a level I have never experienced before. Even though I tried.”
Cupping her knees, I ran my hands up and down her thighs. “The submissive needs to trust their Dom but the Dom needs to also trust their submissive too. It’s a two-way street and a lot of people forget that. I’ve had…I’ve had issues. I think it’s…” Could I tell her my truth? My absolute truth and why I had been a dick and why this rage was growing inside of me as the days went on? “I’m scared to fall in love only for it to be taken away from me. I saw my dad break after my mom was killed. He wasn’t the same. I know he tried to be a father to us but both Cyrus and I knew that we would never get our dad back. It didn’t matter that we were young and needed him. He was lost and couldn’t find himself. And before we could say anything or tell him how we felt, he was murdered as well.” My words came out monotonously. I had never voiced those feelings out loud. “I know I could fall in love with you, Amber. Maybe I already have. I don’t know. But that’s my truth.” I lifted the sweatshirt she was wearing, to below her tits. “And it’s not because you’re carrying my baby.” I cupped her stomach. “It’s you. It’s always been you.”
Amber covered my hand with hers. “I never wanted to fall in love again. I didn’t even want to try.” Her tears fell onto the back of her hand. “But I want to. I want to try with you.”
Before she could say anymore, I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her close. “I want to try too. With you. Only with you.”
Amber
Sammy and I spentthe next couple of days soaking up the fact that I was pregnant with his baby. He ended up making me the soup his mom would make for him and his brother when they were kids and it helped settle my stomach a bit. It was something simple. A chicken type broth with some spices, but the mixture was delicious.
Every chance Sam had, he would run his fingers along my stomach or he would kiss it when he thought I was sleeping. He even muttered words to it. Words that I never heard but was grateful for just the same.
I had called into the club, spoke with Candace, and told her I needed a few days off due to a family emergency. I knew that eventually she would figure out what was going on but until then, I would keep this to myself, knowing Shawnee wouldn’t tell anyone anything until I gave her the go-ahead.
Sammy was able to take some time off as well but every now and again his phone would ring. He would look at the screen, hit a button, and put his phone away. I never knew who called him, but I found it didn’t overly matter. We would tell people when we were ready to.
One night, he was restless as he laid beside me. A wave of nausea had woken me up and I couldn’t get back to sleep. Add to the fact that we had a doctor’s appointment later the next morning and I was excited and nervous just the same.
Rolling onto my back, I found the spot beside me empty and cold.
Slipping from bed, I headed out into the living room. Sammy was nowhere to be found. “Sam?”
As I neared the doors leading to the balcony, I saw that the main door was open, while the screen remained closed. When I reached it, I heard Sammy’s deep voice. He was on the phone with someone.
“She’s sleeping,” he mumbled. “Yeah, I think I am. Is there a way of knowing?” He grunted. “They need to make how-to books on this shit.”
Opening the door, I stepped out onto the balcony.
Sammy lifted his head, the light from the lantern on the table casting a glow around him. He had bought me that lantern weeks ago, so we would have some light on the balcony after the sun went down.
“I gotta go, brother. Give your girl a hug from me.” Sam disconnected the call, placing his phone on the table. “You should be sleeping.”
“Yeah, so should you.” I went up to him and stepped between his legs. “Everything okay?”
He wrapped his arms around me, lowering me onto his lap. “Nightmare.”
“Did you want to talk about it?” I asked, reveling in the feeling of his hard body beneath me.
“Not really.” He leaned his forehead against my chest, taking a deep breath. “It’s the same dream. Cyrus has it too. I guess it’s a twin thing. We have it at around the same time and end up calling each other after. It’s been going on like that since we were kids. It changes a little bit, but the idea is still the same. I get kidnapped. Dad can’t find me. Mom dies. Same shit. Different night.”
“I’m sorry, baby,” I whispered, running my fingers through the hair at his nape.
“Not your fault.” Sam lifted his head. “Are you looking forward to the appointment?” he asked, changing the subject.
“I am.” I cupped my stomach. “I don’t know if I’ve just been eating too much but I feel like I’m showing already. I shouldn’t be. Should I?”
