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I flinch when his hand lands on mine. He notices and quickly pulls it back, regret flooding his face.“I’m good here, Calli. The night is what we make it, right?”
I smile at him and relax a little more. There’s no pretence when I spend time with Jerome. He doesn’t take anything too seriously, and he doesn’t put too much pressure on himself—school work aside. He’s never going to be a soldier like the guys, but he’s okay with that. He doesn’t have that burning need to be one of them despite the fact that we’ve all gone through school together, and he doesn’t want to compete. It’s refreshing.
“So, how have you been getting on with your revision? Mum said you’d gone out of town for a week so you could really focus. Sounds like heaven, if you ask me.”
“It was… it was something,” I mutter, my chest aching as if he just reached in and gave my heart a real good squeeze. Lifting my glass to my lips, I swallow down a less-than-ladylike gulp, more than a little relieved that Jocelyn wasn’t shy with the vodka. “Can’t say I feel all that well prepared, though.”
Because I spent most of the week with a soldier between my thighs.
I lock those thoughts down. They’re not helpful in getting me through this night.
“Same. I actually feel less confident as the days go on, despite doing nothing but work.”
“If you want to study together now I’m back, all you’ve got to do is say the word. I’ve been locked up in this house like a damsel in distress so I’ll always welcome the company.”
“This life is hard at times, huh?”
I study him as he rubs his hand down his face, and I catch a flash of something that wasn’t there before. A darkness I don’t like seeing in him.
“What’s wrong? Has something happened?”
He shakes his head. “No. Not really. Dad’s just expecting more of me than I’m willing to give.”
“Oh?” I ask, happy to dive into his problems over mine.
“It’s nothing you want to hear about. Just Family bullshit.” I smile sadly at him. “I wasn’t made for fighting and shooting people.”
“You don’t have to want to do that to be a valuable member of this Family, Jerome.”
“I know. Dad just wants me to be more… well-rounded or some bullshit.”
I smile sadly at him, understanding completely how he’s feeling right now.
Maybe I was wrong earlier. He is no different from the rest of us, failing to meet all those impossible expectations that were placed on us even before we were born.
“We’ll figure it out, J. We’ll find our places.”
He downs his beer before leaning forward and placing it on the coffee table.
“I’m glad I came tonight.”
“I’m glad you did too.” You might just make an unbearable evening bearable.
