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A lot more than a few. But there was no need to traumatize her further by spilling the whole truth while they were both exhausted and naked.
“We should go back,” he suggested. “You can shower, and we can get dressed. Then, once you’re rested, I can explain just what I plan to do.”
She stiffened, wrapping her arms tighter around her body. Her hair was long enough to shield most of her. Even so…he had to force himself to look away. To move at all.
The wolf in him yearned to bask in the glory of his mate without a shred of remorse. Instead, he pushed past her, into the living room, where he took the rickety stairs to the upper level.
Things like guilt or respect for the dead didn’t stop him from rummaging through the tiny room that had belonged to Fred Connors. He grabbed a pair of sweats at random from a dresser and pulled them on for modesty’s sake, suppressing his disgust at the thought of wearing the man’s clothing.
Loren’s room was different.
As he headed toward that tiny space, no bigger than a closet, he had to pause before he could step inside and held his breath.
Not that it helped.
The stench of her fearstilltainted the air. It was everywhere, itching beneath his skin. Invoking a fierce desire to protect. To destroy anyone who’d ever hurt her.
Kill…
He shook his head to clear the thought before he barged in and managed to grab a sheet from the bed. He had removed any clothing the morning after the attack, but even a blanket would be better than nothing.
He returned downstairs to find her in the same spot. After leaving the sheet within her reach, he stood back. Seeing her so tense and fragile made him realize that taking her back to the house and putting off their inevitable conversation would be cruel. What better way than to just rip the Band-Aid off now? “Loren…”
Funnily enough, he didn’t even know where to begin.
I found you?I mated you?I let you stay with Fred Connors even when I knew he was hurting you?
Those indiscretions barely cut the surface. His biggest crime against her sprung from his lips before he could hold it back.
“I lied to you, Loren. About more than you could ever know.”
There was no way to easily explain—but he didn’t have to.
“There’s another side to the lycan way of life.” He sank into a crouch just beyond the doorway. “Sometimes, it can be the only option for someone who has grown up without the shelter of the pack. A way to integrate them while minimizing the trauma. It—”
He broke off, grunting in annoyance.No.He wouldn’t give her some bullshit explanation or try to pretty it up. With a guttural sigh, he tilted his head back to eye the ceiling. The truth, as repulsive as it was, needed to be said. No fluff. No excuses.
“We take mates, Loren.”
She reacted to that word. A ragged gasp escaped her lips. For all his insistence on coming clean, he couldn’t even look at her.Coward,the wolf in him, scolded as he focused on a light fixture.You fucking coward.
“It’s the highest form of connection,” he went on gravely. “Something deeper than any human concept of a relationship. Once a man and woman mate, it…” He grappled for the right words and could only find three. “It binds them.”
He didn’t even realize that he’d fallen silent until the sound of the screen door swinging into the side of the house broke the quiet. The wind had picked up, heralding yet another storm. The rain would help cover their tracks, at least. Sooner or later, someone would come looking for him. That fact only served to drive in how little time they had, but he didn’t say a damn word to hurry things along. Loren deserved to process this in peace. It was the least he could give her.
Once a few minutes ticked by, he soldiered on. “Taking a mate without consent is a last resort. But that doesn’t excuse the fact that it’s wrong. It’s a violation of the most intimate kind. When lycans mate, they become in sync. They can access each other’s thoughts, feelings, memories.”
On Black Mountain, it wasn’t that unusual for a member to offer to mate an outsider to make the transition easier. But he doubted that anyone could dredge up an example of someone mating a naïve young girl to protect her from the horrors locked inside her own head.
“How?” Her voice came so softly he barely heard it. “How do you…mate?”
He made himself look up and reluctantly meet those watchful eyes.
“You enter someone’s core. Their mind. It’s a bond, more intimate than even sex,” he said, cringing at the thought. The crimson spreading across her cheeks told him that she knew damn well what he meant. “But the two must be willing…to an extent, to prevent any difficulties adjusting.”
Or, in her case, stunned, traumatized, and barely conscious. His skincrawledwith the memory of her, lying there passively beneath him—but trying to forget wouldn’t help him any.
What was done was done.
