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I followed him out the door, wiping my face and smoothing down my hair. I had drool stuck to my chin, and my hair had somehow gotten free of the messy braid I’d wrangled it into. I’d never spent too much time on my appearance. Even less so now. Thea would be horrified if she saw me.
The sudden realization that I might never see my best friend again made me stumble. Santino stopped and looked at me with a frown.
Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. I knew it was another panic attack. For someone who was usually levelheaded and put together, the lack of control was something I couldn’t handle.
I didn’t know how to stop the overwhelming onslaught of emotions. A look at Santino confirmed that he was just as clueless. But instead of staring at me, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and barked into it. I steadied myself against the wall, but my feet were unable to hold me up any longer and I slid to the ground. My breathing sped up, and my heart was doing its best to break out of my chest.
I was sure I was having a heart attack.
Santino kneeled in front of me, reaching out as if to touch me. I scrambled back with a panicked cry and cowered away from him. “No.”
He immediately retreated. My breaths were coming hard and fast, and I was close to passing out. Black spots appeared in my vision, making it hard to see anything. I blinked a few times, trying to clear it, with no effect.
I put my head between my legs to stop myself from losing consciousness when someone cradled my face. A familiar scent engulfed me, and I leaned into the touch.
“Calm yourself,” Lucius whispered into my ear. Still a command, but for once he didn’t sound angry.
My body’s response was to fall forward and into a hard chest. My forehead rested against his soft shirt, his hands a warm comfort against my cheeks.
“You are safe,” he continued. “Nobody is going to hurt you.”
My hands tightened on his shirt in a death grip that would be hard to pry off. He kneeled in front of me, a steady presence in my raging storm. I didn’t understand my reaction. He was one of the bad guys. But I sought comfort from him. Craved it. Let it calm me.
Why isn’t he pushing me away?
His hands went around me, holding me close. My breathing slowly returned to normal. My grip relaxed, and I was now leaning against his chest, breathing him in.
As soon as he noticed my return to normal, he gently took my arms and peeled them off him, standing back up. I whimpered at the loss of his touch.How embarrassing.
I still made no move to stand up and studied the floor instead. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened.”
“You need to eat something. Mariana said you barely touched your food this morning.” He gently took my elbow and helped me up. As soon as I was standing securely on my own two feet, he let go and put space between us. His eyes were a glowing ember today. And they were solely focused on me. Watching. Assessing. “Mariana made you empanadas.”
Santino nodded at us before disappearing, and Lucius walked me to the kitchen. He greeted Mariana with a kiss on her cheek, then pulled out my chair for me.
“Mariana is worried you’re losing too much weight.” He pushed a filled to the brim plate closer. “Eat.”
She had made enough empanadas to feed an army. I managed a few bites before my throat closed up and my stomach revolted. I put the fork down and shot an apologetic look at her.
“What’s wrong? Why did you stop? You hardly ate anything,” Lucius said, picking up the fork and holding it out to me.
“I’m not hungry.”
He studied me, as if he was looking for something. A frown marred his beautiful face, and he turned to Mariana. They fired Spanish words at each other, and she handed my plate to Lucius.
Holding both items, he nodded to the hallway. “Let’s go back.”
Mariana kissed both our cheeks when we left, and I promised to drink the hot chocolate she pushed into my hands.
I followed Lucius, jumping at every noise, my hands damp, causing me to tighten my grip on the mug, fearing it would slip out of my hands otherwise. We went back to his room, and he deposited everything on the table inside and then turned to exit. A jolt of panic shot through me at the thought of him leaving and I reached out a hand, catching his arm.
I was acting like a lunatic. He’d taken me against my will. Held me here against my will. And all I wanted in that moment was for him to hold me. He turned to face me and I released him, even though everything inside me screamed to pull him closer.
My mind warred with my emotions, and I struggled to get them back under control. Another panic attack was the last thing I needed right now. Taking a deep breath, I locked my hands together in front of my body, my nails biting into my palms, somewhat keeping me grounded. “Thanks for walking me back and for, you know, before. I’m sorry I lost it.”
He studied me, his face unreadable as usual. We were standing closer, and he reached out a hand, brushing a strand of my hair behind my ear, his fingers tracing the shell of my ear. “Eat and then get some rest.”
I nodded, but neither one of us stepped away. Instead, his hand wandered to the back of my head, his other winding around my waist.
