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He turns to me again, and I watch as he gazes at my crossed arms. I’m prepared to fight him on this. He needs to see what a poison she was to his life. She’s hurt him enough. Even in her death, she’s still hurting him, and I’m sick of seeing my brother suffer.
“I’m not ready, okay? I get why you’re worried, but I can’t go there.”
“It’s been two years, Will. Why are you holding on so tightly to someone who never deserved you in the first place?”
He shrugs his shoulders at my question, which just makes me all the more frustrated.
“That’s not an answer. If you won’t tell me, then maybe you should see a professional. Either way, you have to talk about this. I can tell it’s eating you alive.” I reach out and grab his arm, squeezing it in a sign of support. “You don’t deserve that, Will.”
His expression tells me he doesn’t believe me.
“You deserve to fall in love with a woman who can truly love you. A woman who makes your heart soar and makes you feel like you can’t function without her.”
He scoffs, but his eyes get sad. “I think you’ve been reading too many romance novels again. That’s not real life.” He turns back to Rex, not willing to look at me anymore.
“You know what’s really sad? It is real life, Will. Yes, people every day settle for so much less than they deserve. They settle for love that feels safe, but there’s a difference between safety because you’re not risking your heart and safety because you know your heart is being held with care by the one you love. Too many people settle for the former when they should hold out for the latter.”
I don’t think about the words until after I’ve said them, but suddenly they slam into me like a brick house, the truth of them forcing me to look at my own recent situation with fresh eyes. I was settling for Brad because I knew what to expect with him—or at least, I thought I did. But if I’m honest, he never made me feel close to what I’ve felt hanging out with Trent these past couple of weeks. He never made me feel safe, whereas Trent has always made me feel safe and protected. But more than that, he makes me feel alive. Every time we’re together, it feels like my veins are fizzing with an energy that’s never been there before.
Holy shit.
Am I falling in love with Trent?
“When did you get so wise about love?” Will asks.
“When I experienced the difference,” I say a little breathlessly, my mind reeling with my recent realization.
That gets his attention. “What? I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.”
“I’m not,” I say sadly, because Trent and I are just friends. I could mention that I’ve been hanging out with him. I’m sure Will would love to see him. I know they still talk occasionally, but I don’t want to. This is the first time I’ve felt like I have Trent to myself. I don’t want to share him with my brother just yet. Especially if I only get to have him as my friend.
“Did someone break your heart? Whose ass do I need to kick?” Oh jeez. Will’s got his overprotective brother face on.
I smile at him, but I can tell that it probably doesn’t reach my eyes, especially with how Will looks at me. “I’m a big girl, Will. I don’t need my brother to fight my battles.” This realization has made me reevaluate things with Trent though. I don’t know if I’ll be content with just being his friend. “I’m handling it.” I say, deciding it’s the truth. “But it’s made me think about you and your situation. It kills me seeing you torture yourself over Candace. She doesn’t deserve that loyalty, especially when she wasn’t even loyal to you.”
“Becks, stop, please. I’m just not ready yet.”
“I’m worried if you wait until you’re ready, you might miss out on the real thing.”
He looks worried too, but he gives me that pleading look, and I know he needs me to drop it.
Fine. I’ll drop it for now, but only because my own head is spinning.
And because now I’m worried that if I wait, I might miss out on the real thing that’s been right in front of me.
14
I pace along the hardwood floors of my condo, my phone clutched in my hand. My mind is racing almost as fast as my heart.
Am I about to mess things up?
Or am I about to make the best decision of my life?
I talked to Will about safety when risking your heart, but the more I thought about it the more I realized there’s risk either way. The safety comes in trusting the other person. In knowing them enough to know your trust in them is worth it. That they’ll take this gift you’re giving them and treat it like a precious blessing. But to give that gift—your heart—in the first place, you have to risk. Risk your heart. Risk the familiar, the comfortable.
I’m about to risk it all, and I’m panicking.
I texted Trent an hour ago to see if he could come over, and he should be here any minute. I have no idea what to expect. I know there’s been something charged between us that’s been there from the beginning and has grown with every hangout. But does he feel it too?
