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Will rubs his face again, and when he looks back up at me, his eyes are shining. My big, masculine, stoic brother is on the verge of tears, and my chest aches from the pain I see in his eyes.
“I messed it all up,” he whispers, further breaking my heart.
I reach out, put a hand on his arm, and say, “It’s never too late to fix it.”
Instead of giving him hope like I’d been going for, his eyes look haunted. “Sometimes it is.”
I stay with my brother for the rest of the day, much to his dismay. He clearly wants to be alone, but I’m not about to abandon him when he’s going through hell. That’s not what we do. We’ve always had each other’s backs—at least when we’ve been honest about what’s going on in our lives. As the day goes on, I can’t stop thinking about what Will hasn’t told me. It’s obviously something big and something he’s still not willing to share. It makes me wonder all the more about what my brother’s been hiding from me and for how long.
When I finally get in my car to go home, I think about all the months I kept Trent a secret and worry that maybe my brother and I aren’t as close as we always thought.
28
Getting a call about an emergency band meeting to hold a last-minute intervention with Kasen was not on my agenda for today. We’ve all known for a while that his substance abuse had started back up, but lately he’s become erratic and unreliable, and we can’t afford that when we’re about to head into the studio to record our new album.
Kasen paces back and forth in front of us, his hands gripping his hair in frustration and his usually carefree grin nowhere to be found. “I’m fine, guys. I have everything under control.”
“Bullshit,” Miles spits out, and I’m surprised by the anger in his voice. Miles is our chill one. Not the guy who gets pissed off. But he’s been a lot more sensitive about drugs and Kasen’s repeated fall-down-the-hole behavior since his brother sold us out for drug money.
Kasen stops his pacing, and I notice his hands shaking at his sides. His eyes are a little wild, and I wonder how long it’s been since he last used.
“I saw you with Charli,” Miles says, and my gaze darts to him. This is news to me, but a glance at Tristan tells me he knew about it. “I’ve had my suspicions for a while since she started showing up at the same parties we were always at, but then I finally saw you two together.”
Kasen immediately shakes his head. “That was nothing. Just two old friends.”
“Some friend to leave you for dead,” Tristan mumbles, his face a moody glower.
Kasen throws him a glare and then turns back to Miles. “I’m serious, dude. It’s all good. I’m fine.”
Even as he says the words, sweat glistens along his hairline, and he can’t stop moving.
“What was it this time?” I ask, cutting to the chase. I’m sick of this denial bullshit. I’m supposed to be with Becka telling Will about us right now and instead Kasen is wasting our time with lies when we can all tell he’s using again, and not just weed. His body shows all the signs that we’ve become too familiar with over our years in this life.
Kasen looks at me, but he can’t hold my gaze. Whether because it’s been too long since he had a hit or because he’s feeling guilty as fuck, I’m not sure.
“Kase. We love you, but you need to tell us what drugs you’re doing. Is it just coke again? Or is it something else?” Robbie asks, his voice calm and soothing instead of its usual happy and joking tone.
Kase rubs his hands through his hair again, and for a minute I think he’s going to throw out another denial, but then he surprises me. He scrubs his face and then sits heavily on the couch as if his body suddenly weighs too much for him to hold it up. He doesn’t look at us when he confesses. “Mostly coke.”
Mostly. That’s the word I hear the loudest, meaning there’s more. “What else?” I ask, my gaze immediately going to his arms looking for track marks.
He shakes his head, and when he looks up at us, he looks so lost and broken that my gut clenches. “I’ll go back to rehab.”
Tristan frowns at him. “Why won’t you tell us?”
Kasen just shakes his head. Tristan and I glance at each other, our expressions matching with worry. Robbie goes over to the couch and sits next to him.
“Kase. You can tell us. You know we always have your back. We’re worried about you.”
Kasen’s eyes water like he’s on the verge of tears, and his gaze fills with shame. “Heroin.”
He says it so softly I’m convinced I heard him wrong. Robbie’s face goes white, and I look around at each of the guys, all of us coming to the same realization at the same time.
This is way worse than last time.
Kasen is going to need a lot more help than any of us can give him. This goes way beyond the buddy system and trying to watch him whenever we go to parties. He needs rehab and a professional who can help him kick this for good.
“And Charli?” Miles asks, his gaze focused intently on Kasen, his voice low and deeper than I think I’ve ever heard it.
