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He pulls back and looks at me, his eyes soft but happy. “I like you all nervous like this – it’s new.”
I smack his arm, causing him to laugh more before he pulls out onto the road taking us to his house.The ride is comfortable, which is almost surprising with how it started.
I guess I shouldn’t really be all that surprised. Jack has always had this ability to make me feel incredibly comfortable with him. We can talk about anything without it getting weird. It’s one of the reasons he’s my best friend. When I was little, I always expected my best friend to be a girl, but it’s always been Jack. I’ve had girlfriends in the past, but they came and went. Some moved, which caused us to lose touch, while others got jealous of my closeness with Jack.
I was 12 when I discovered that most of my female friends were only really friends with me to get close to Jack, which was frustrating.
Last year, I had a major emotional breakdown at Western Park down the street from my house after a big blowout with Maggie Stephens at a party. Jack followed me and held me against him until I stopped crying. He never said anything, just held me close. When I finally pulled myself together, I told him everything she’d said to me and how she was only friends with me so she could hook up with Jack. Jack laughed at that and said she didn’t stand a chance in hell. He’d never hook up with a girl who made his best friend cry.
That was the last time I tried to have a girlfriend. Jack is really all I need anyway. He’s always been my protector and confidant, and I don’t ever want that to change. I can’t imagine not having him in my life. I think that’s why all these feelings that we both seem to be having kind of terrify me. I want him, but I don’t want to risk losing him for good. I don’t know if I could handle that.
We reach his house, and he comes around to open my door. We go inside and head up to his room where we usually study, but it was always innocent before. Right now, heading up to his room, it doesn’t feel innocent at all. Studying is the last thing on my mind, and from the heated look he gives me, I’m pretty sure it’s the last thing on his, too.
“Where are your parents tonight?”
“They’re at an art gala in support of a show curated by Senator Rothburg’s daughter.”
Jack’s dad is a reasonably famous lawyer representing several Congress members from Oregon and California, as well as numerous celebrities. They’re continually away at one event or another, but I’ve always been impressed at their devotion to their only child. They’ve never once missed one of Jack’s football games. I know it means a lot to him since he wants to make his parents proud. Honestly, how could they not be proud of Jack?
Jack mostly closes the door to his room. He leaves it open a smidge, I’m assuming so he can hear the door downstairs open when his parents get home. Normally, he just leaves it all the way open.
My heart starts beating erratically in my chest. He walks over to me and takes my backpack off my shoulder, gently placing it on the ground. He stands in front of me and reaches with one hand to tuck a lock of my hair behind my ear. I look down, smirking bashfully toward to floor. He pushes my chin up gently with his index finger so that I’m looking at him.
“Paige, I think we need to talk.” His tone is serious, and his face solemn.
My heart plummets. Those aren’t exactly the best words to hear. They’re almost always followed by something terrible. I’ve seen enough movies to know.
“Okay,” I whisper.
He looks at me, searching for something in my eyes. I’m not sure if he finds it, but he starts to speak anyway.
“You know you’re my best friend, right?”
I nod, and he continues. “We’ve always told each other everything, right?”
I nod again. I have no idea where he’s going with this, but I can’t speak. My heart is in my throat right now, prepared for the worst.
“I have to tell you something.” He looks into my eyes deeply again, like he’s still searching for whatever he was looking for earlier. He whispers, “I have a crush on someone.”
Oh.
Oh, God.
My chest clenches painfully. This was my worst fear. That kiss in the hallway meant nothing. Ugh, I feel so incredibly stupid right now.
The burn of tears stings my eyes, but I refuse to cry in front of Jack. Then he’ll absolutely know that the kiss in the hall meant more to me than it clearly did to him.
He continues on, his brow furrowed now and his words coming out faster. “I probably shouldn’t be feeling this way about her, but I can’t seem to stop myself. She’s absolutely gorgeous, and I can’t stop thinking about her.”
I can’t breathe. My heart hurts so much right now, and I feel like he just punched me in the stomach – which he might as well have. If he likes someone else, why the hell did he kiss me? Then I remember the brief kiss in the car – he kissed me twice! Why would he do that? I knew I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.
I can’t stay here.
I look towards the door before looking back at Jack. He looks worried and a little nervous now.
“Paige.”
I can’t listen to him talk about this girl he’s got a crush on anymore, so I push him away and take a step toward the door.
