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Tamsin walks out without a backward glance to her dad or me, but I saw the ghostly white of her face and knew I fucked up.I wasn’t entirely sure which part I’d fucked up—her dad finding out was the most likely on the list, but it could also be how I told her, or the fact that I went looking for the scumbag at all.
Decker steps closer to me, not noticing her slip out.His eyes look frantic as he riddles me with question after question, but all the details Greg dug up about Kevin—that’s the guy’s name—seem pointless now without Tamsin here to hear them.
The better question is why am I even still standing here when the only person who matters just walked out?I turn to Decker and grab both his upper arms, pinning him steady and looking him dead in the eye.
“I’ll answer all your questions later, but Tamsin just walked out and I need to make sure she’s alright.”I pat him on the back and then chase after her.
I catch her right as she gets to the driver’s side of her car.“Tamsin, wait!”
She spins around, and the tears streaming down her face literally stop me in my tracks.I’m only three feet away from her but it might as well be three miles for the distance in her eyes.She’s more closed off than I’ve ever seen her—her emotions that are normally so vibrant in those beautiful eyes of hers shuttered, her arms crossed over her chest, and her body stiff.
The tears are the only sign that she’s devastated.
“Tamsin,” I can barely croak out her name.“What can I do?”
Her eyes spark then and she throws her hands down to her side, her fingers rounding into balled fists.“What can you do?”she asks.“What can you do?Okay, let me count all the things you can do.You can go back in time and not search for someone I didn’t want to find.Or you can go back and tell my dad this was all a colossal misunderstanding and he didn’t overhear what he was never supposed to hear in the first place.Or you can fuck off and stay out of my business.Seeing as how I doubt you have a time machine, it looks like your only option is to fuck off.”
She spins around and unlocks her door.I stand there stunned into silence, but snap out of it before she gets a chance to close the door.Risking losing a hand, I grab the door and hold it tight.
“Wait.You’re really mad at me about this?”
She stares at me like I’m fucking dense, and I’m starting to think I must be.I thought she’d be relieved to know he’s behind bars and can’t hurt her again—that he got what was coming to him.
“Miles…I’m so mad at you, I can barely look at you right now,” she says through clenched teeth.Her eyes water, but they’re still filled with anger.
“No, you don’t get to leave without talking about this.What did I do wrong?”
She shakes her head, staring out the windshield instead of at me, and my skin starts to feel too tight for my body.I need her to talk to me, dammit.
“Tamsin!”I say in the same demanding tone I normally use in the bedroom—the one she’s never been able to say no to.She turns to me then, and if looks could burn someone to ash, then I’d be a pile on the ground in a heartbeat.
She climbs out of the car and gets in my face.“How dare you, Miles.How dare you use that tone of voice with me right now.How dare you try to force me to talk to you when I’m not ready.How dare you find him without my permission.”Her voice cracks, but the fire in her eyes never wavers.“How fucking dare you.”She punctuates each word with a poke of her pointer finger in my chest.I can take the pain of her poking me, but I can’t bear the pain in her eyes.The pain that’s becoming increasingly clear that I put there.
“I never meant to hurt you.I thought…” Suddenly all the ideas of finding him and making him pay seem ridiculous in the light of her reaction.
“You thought what?You could be my knight in shining armor?You could kick his ass and make his life hell like he’s made mine for the last three years?Is that what you thought?”
That’s exactly what I thought, and my silence is her confirmation.
“Well, you thought wrong.”
She spins around and gets back in her car.She grabs for the door handle and I let go.The door slams and the sound seems to echo.She starts the car, still not looking at me, and then rolls down the window.
“You wanted to be my knight in shining armor.”She turns to me then, her gaze piercing mine—and my heart right along with it.“You already were, Miles.You’d already set me free from my prison.But this…this was going too far.I need some time, and you owe me that much.”
I nod weakly, not sure what else to do or how else to correct my mistake.As she drives away, a new fear settles deep in my gut.
What if she can’t forgive me?
What then?
And how much time will she need before she figures out if I’m worth giving another chance or not?
When I get home, I’m not in the mood to do anything but hit my drums and get lost in a beat.It’s a better alternative to beating myself up which is what I’ve been doing for the last hour.Our session turned into a shitshow after Tamsin left.Decker was too riled up and pissed off to continue, and I was a mess.
That’s putting it mildly.I feel like absolute garbage.How did I get this so wrong?
