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30
I’m not surprised by the pounding on my door, but I’m surprised by the person on the other side of it.Although I shouldn’t be.I should’ve known he’d come over here as soon as the studio session was done.
The only thing more important to Decker Cross than music is his daughter.He’s never made me doubt that, but I wish more than anything that I could’ve protected him from this.
He doesn’t ask for an invitation, but walks in as soon as I open the door.
“Well, hello to you too.Please come in.”
“This isn’t funny, Tamsin.”
“I’m not laughing, Dad.”
We face off, neither of us willing to back down but neither of us knowing where to start either.
“I’m sorry,” I start.
“Sorry you never told me or sorry I found out at all?”
He knows me too well.“I’m sorry you found out.I never meant for that to happen.”
His face crumples, and my heart aches because he was never supposed to be in this much pain.He was never supposed to know.
“How could you keep this from me?It’s my job to protect you.Someone hurt you and you didn’t tell me.”
“There was nothing you could do.You couldn’t take it away.I didn’t know who did it and I had no desire to know.”
He frowns at that.“You didn’t ask Miles to find him?”
I bark out an unamused laugh.“Not in the slightest.”Looking down at my hands, I admit, “I’m actually not speaking to him right now.I need some time to figure out where this leaves us.”
“You can’t break up with him over this.”
“I don’t see how my love life is any of your business.Besides, you always warned me against musicians to begin with.Why are you such an advocate now?”
“I’m not an advocate for musicians.I’m an advocate for Miles.That boy loves you, Tam Tam.That’s obvious to anyone who’s seen you together.I know I wasn’t exactly thrilled about you two being together, but I’ve seen how happy he makes you.It kinda reminds me of your mom and me when we were young.”
“He really overstepped.”
“Is that reason enough to break up with him?To lose what you guys have?”
The tears come faster than I’m prepared for.“I didn’t want to know, okay?I didn’t want to know his name or where he lived or went to school or any of it.I didn’t want to think about him living his life like normal, as if he never did anything wrong.”
“I feel like I failed you, failed to protect you.”
I shake my head, “Dad, you taught me to watch my drink, to never accept an open one from someone I didn’t know, to always go to parties in pairs and make a plan if we got separated.You are not at fault here.I did everything you told me to do, or at least I thought I did.It no longer matters how it happened, just that it did.But it wasn’t your fault”—this part’s harder to say—“and it wasn’t mine, either.”
It wasn’t my fault.
It wasn’t my fault.
The more I say it—the more I heal—the more I start to believe those words.
Dad steps forward, wrapping his big arms around me and holding me tight.No matter how old or big I get, I always feel like a little girl when my dad hugs me.Like a precious gift that he’s terrified of losing.I hug him tighter when I feel his chest shudder with a sob, and I let my own tears loose.
We stand there, hugging and crying for minutes that feel like hours until we’re both all cried out.I pull back, and my dad wipes the remaining tears away with his thumbs.He places a kiss on my forehead and then says, “Don’t hold this against him.”
My shoulders drop and I close my eyes.I’m not ready to talk about Miles yet.
“He should’ve talked to you about it, but don’t lose him over this.I would’ve done the same thing.It’s a man’s instinct to protect what belongs to him, and while I’m still getting used to the idea of my little girl dating, it’s pretty clear he’s claimed you.”
And I’d claimed him as mine.
But he’s stirred up a lot of hurt that I didn’t want to relive—that I hoped was buried so deep it would never see the light of day again.He may not have thought through his actions, but I will.
And that means taking some time to process everything without his interference.
