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CHAPTER15
Ethan never imagined his chest would have been cleaved open with pain at seeing such raw agony in his wife’s eyes. That soft whimper of pain and denial would be etched upon his heart forever, reminding him to always take her care into his being.
That he had hurt her…
Sweet mercy. He slapped a hand against his chest and rubbed. That he had hurt her brought him sorrow and a desperate feeling inside to fix everything at once. She mattered more than he had ever admitted to himself, and Ethan felt like a fool at this moment. Verity was…God, she had become so damn important to him.
Fix the past, fix what was happening now…just fix it all, but how could he do that. What was done was done. His actions could not be taken back.
Fix it all.
Those words knocked inside him like an insistent roar, and he took a step after her only to falter, his chest lifting on a harsh breath. She might never want to see him again, kiss him or even welcome him into her bed and heart after today, because he could not fucking undo the past. Ethan shook his head because even if she did not want to speak to him again, that did not matter, as long as she existed without pain and always felt happy with her lot in life. Verity’s happiness mattered more than anything. It was what she bloody deserved because she was damn well sweet, and kind, and wonderful.
Good things should happen to incredible people.
Ethan wanted to smash his fist into the wall. This was not something he could ever fix and that means there was no damn reason to chase her.
Wrong.
He could not bear for her to live through her pain and tears without understanding how damned sorry he was. For so much, but most importantly for bringing hurt to her. He couldn’t imagine her forgiving him, but he had to tell her that at least. A night should not be allowed to pass without him conveying his feelings to her. She needed to understand that if he could go back and change what he had done that he would do anything he could to prevent her being so hurt by his actions. To prevent the pain it caused her sister and family.
Though marrying Verity had been for mostly the sake of Thomas, their marriage had become so much more than pain, and regret, and atonement.
I am a damn fool.
Without wasting another moment, Ethan chased after his wife.
* * *
Verity did not stopuntil she reached the small grotto, a far distance away from the main house. There she sat on the large stone boulder, rested her forehead on her knees, and took a shuddering breath. The sound of a branch breaking echoed in the silence, but she did not turn around.
“Artie, please, I would like to be alone.”
No answer came, but she heard more footsteps. When it faded away, and silence lingered once more, she hugged her knees even tighter and closed her eyes. Tears leaked from beneath her closed lashes, and with a hitch, Verity wept. The sounds were soon raw and harsh. The man she had fallen in love with had been the orchestrator of her family’s greatest pain. If not for his interference, Catherine and Oscar might be happily married at this moment. There would have been no scandal, or disgrace…or perhaps death.
She flinched, suddenly understanding the dark guilt attached to his grief. He thought the same.
Oh God.
The only reason he had married her was to atone, and it was for that reason she might never look in his eyes and see more than shadows. She would never see love. Verity felt silly because he had never promised it, but she cried until there were no more tears left in her heart, until she felt dried out and emptied. Thunder rumbled overhead, and she did not move. Rain fell in a light drizzle, and despite the chill, she did not move. She breathed raggedly, her shoulders trembling as the rain slowly soaked her hair and her clothes.
Verity did not believe she would ever move again. A whisper of sound came from behind her, and she twisted around and almost fainted. Ethan sat on the boulder beside her, a mere breath away, and she had not realized.
Awareness rushed through her. The sounds earlier were because he had followed her. And he had sat there while she cried.
“I am sorry, Verity. I am so damn sorry. Please…I…”
He stopped as if he did not know what to say.
“I swear to you I will find Catherine. I will not stop until I do. I will…I will find a way to fix everything.”
Peering into his eyes, she saw the deepest pain and regret and fear. Her eyes were too achy to shed more tears, but she wailed at the torment he must feel inside.
There is forgiveness in love.
“You made a mistake, Ethan,” she said, “You could never have anticipated the events that happened after. How could anyone have known such consequences would come after? You did not act in malice. Please forgive yourself.”
He flinched and closed his eyes, a spasm of anguish cutting deep into his skin. Ethan stood and looked away from her. Wanting him thoroughly focused on her, Verity went to him, placed her hands around his shoulders, and hauled herself up, wrapping her legs around his hips. His eyes snapped open, and she gently touched the corner of his mouth.
