AllFreeNovel
Share Us
CATHERINE
A senseof calm runs through me as I apply my lipstick and stare into the mirror. It’s a calm I rarely feel on a day I know I’ll be crossing paths with Palmer. And it’s all due to an unlikely source, his girlfriend Claire.
I’m so glad we got to chat at the party last night. After the awkward start, I got to know Claire a little better. A recent grad, she’s just like most of us were at her age, not sure of what comes next. Every decision in front of you appearing mountain sized. Fear crippling you from choosing a path that you fear if it's incorrect you may never recover.
It was nice for me to lower my guard and speak honestly about myself for a bit. I tried to tell her she doesn’t have to figure it all out right away. That it’s okay to take chances, to fail, to get up and move on. And that even when you tackle a challenge and defeat it, there is always another one waiting for you.
We didn’t talk about Palmer. In fact, we didn’t talk about men at all. We, as women, have enough challenges in life, enough desires that don’t involve men for us to conquer. The talk provided me a sense of clarity.
The Crystal Palace has been great for me. It’s been everything I ever thought it could be and more. But I’ve conquered it. The hall practically runs on autopilot these days. I could kick back and enjoy the calm but that’s not how I’m built. I need the adrenaline rush of the impossible. The chaos of the unexpected. The cries of people telling me it can’t be done.
Plus, I miss my family. These short trips home no longer enough to make me feel grounded. Each trip feeling more and more like a visiting guest in the coolest house in the neighborhood.
All evening I tossed and turned about what I want. What I need at this point in my life. What my heart desires.
The thought of Hunter flashed through my head as well. Such a kind and understanding soul. Someone under different circumstances I would love to get to know better. I sense there is so much more to him than he’s shown me.
But those thoughts will have to wait. I need to work on myself for now. I’ve done it before. I scroll through my phone and type out a quick text to a person I’ve stayed in contact with over the years. The text is something I never thought I would ever send.
Me: Good Morning. I’m home in Mesa this weekend. Would love to connect if you have the time.
I put the phone on the dresser not expecting a response anytime soon. It vibrates right away.
Him: I’m in Tucson but can be down anytime you want.
Wow, I can’t believe he’ll make the trip down just to see me.
Me: How about brunch tomorrow?
Him: Perfect. You know where to meet me. Eleven?
Me: Sounds good. Can’t wait to catch up.
Him: Same. I hope it’s about what I think it’s about.
A silly smile creeps across my face. I can’t believe I’m even considering this. Any of it.
Me: You’ll have to wait for tomorrow to find out. Thanks.
I stuff the phone in my handbag with a smile on my face. My heart is pounding, a sense of excitement and adventure on the horizon. It feels good. When my bag skitters across the tabletop, I quickly rip open the bag and pull out the phone expecting another text from him.
I swipe and freeze when I see the name.
Hunter: Can we talk?
My Uber is picking me up in less than five minutes. I need to finish my makeup and get ready. This is the third message he’s left for me starting from the crack of dawn. I’ve ignored the two earlier ones. I tap out a reply.
Me: Later. I’m headed out the door.
Hunter: It’ll only be a minute. I have to tell you something.
I already know what he wants to say. But he made his decision yesterday. We both did.
Me: We both know it won’t be a minute. Even a conversation with you Hunter is dangerous for me. For us.
Hunter: It’s a conversation we have to have. It’s about Palmer and today.
Me: He’s an ass, I get it. You no longer have to worry about me. I’m a big girl.
This was part of the revelation I had this morning. I never should have used Hunter the way I did. It’s no different than what Palmer is doing to poor Claire. Even if Hunter is a willing participant with his eyes wide open.
Me: We should have never started down this path. You’re a nice man. You should go find yourself a woman who wants you for you. All of you.
I watch the bubble appear and disappear three times. I’ve stumped him. I finish applying the lipstick and push it deep into the bag, sure that I’ll have to retouch it half a dozen times more before this day ends. The phone buzzes, my Uber is two minutes out. The notification fades and is replaced by another text.
Hunter: What if I want you?
Heat races down the back of my neck at yet another rhetorical question from a man that can’t come to a decision. I pound out a response and then mute my phone.
Me: If you did, it wouldn’t have taken you three minutes to reply and you for damn sure wouldn’t have ended the sentence with a question mark. I’m no longer putting up a facade Hunter, starting today I’m going after what I know I want. Good day.
