AllFreeNovel
Share Us
CATHERINE
I liftmy chin high and enter the church - alone. I don’t need a man on my arm to prove my value. I don’t need to be in a place in life that others expect me to be based on old stereotypes and lessons we’ve had drummed into our heads the moment we were old enough to watch Disney.
Do I need one? Absolutely not. Do I want a man on my arm? Yes. I’ve given wants and needs a lot of thought over the last twenty-four hours. We often mix the two up. We press forward in life believing we need certain things to succeed when they are just preferences. Would I love to be driven back and forth to work in a private limo? Yes. Do I need it? No.
So yes, it may not sit well with me that I have to smack down snide remarks and side glances from Palmer today because he believes I need a man on my arm to prove my worth. I don’t. Would I prefer someone on my arm to share with me an emotional, pivotal, happy day in the life of a dear friend? Yes. But what I truly would need is for whoever to be on my arm to be real.
For the right man to be on my arm at the right time. Until that time comes, the world will have to be happy with just me. Just like me.
The church is beautifully adorned as it always is. High cathedral ceilings, the soft hum of the organ, the happy chatter of families and friends filling the joyous air. I eye the left side of the church, the bride’s side, and spot my friend Ursula and her husband Chance. She gives me a wave and a nod, and I slip in next to her on the bench.
Ursula is African American, model tall with braids that reach her shoulders. “We missed you at the bachelorette party last night,” I joke as we exchange hugs and I shake her husband’s hand.
“I got a better offer from Chance.” She shoots a sexy smirk over her shoulder at her handsome husband. The two of them have been married close to five years, their wedding held in this very same church. But they continue to act like newlyweds, always together and loving every moment of it.
“And by better offer she means….” Chance leans forward before Ursula elbows him in the chest. They both fall into a fit of laughter. I can only dream to find a love like this one day.
Ursula leans toward me, lowers her chin, and whispers for my ears only, “I heard you and Mr. P’s girl had a long chat at the party.”
She reminds me how quick gossip spreads in a small town.
“And I want to hear the dirt. Is it a case of Stockholm syndrome? Do we need to alert the authorities? She’s too young for Mr. P.” She rattles off the questions like I’m a guest on The View and she’s waiting for the tea to be spilled.
I snicker at Ursula’s refusal to say Palmer’s name. Something she’s maintained for three summers ever since she caught him speaking ill of me at Smitty’s one night. “She’s a nice kid. We had a lovely chat. She’s just like we were at that age, trying to find ourselves.”
“And she found the big bad wolf instead,” Ursula jokes and a chill race through me yet again. I so want to tell Claire what to do but she’s an adult. A very young adult, but one, nonetheless. Besides, at that age I didn’t listen to anyone offering advice. She’ll need to discover the truth on her own.
“She’ll figure it out. We always do,” I state, hoping to put an end to it. Ursula nods, understanding the trials of sisterhood.
We chat for a few minutes as our aisle fills with other friends joining us. We are three rows deep in laughs when Ursula nudges me. Her sharp elbows hitting me in the ribs. “Owwwrrrrr!” she growls. “The wolf has arrived.”
I know I shouldn’t turn but I do anyway. Palmer is dressed in a two-piece navy suit, white shirt, gold and blue floral tie with a matching silk handkerchief peeking out of the chest pocket. His blond hair is pulled back in a style he always adored. He holds his elbow at an awkward angle as if escorting a princess and when I take in Claire, I understand why.
She’s wearing a form fitting blue and gold silk dress that must be made from the same material as his tie. The dress yet another statement by him. They are connected, she is his in every way. She is… Drop. Dead. Gorgeous. A woman in my position should feel insecure, thrown, or maybe even a little jealous, but I don’t feel any of this looking at her. I see her for who she will be. Her future.
She, like me, will get away from Palmer and find her joy and happiness elsewhere. She is young, resilient, and strong. Add in ridiculously beautiful and kind and I have no concerns about her future.
Palmer must read the ray of joy and smile on my face as an invitation. He walks to the end of the aisle, nodding at our mutual friends. Thankfully our aisle if full and they will need to sit elsewhere. But that doesn’t prevent him from leaning forward and speaking to me.
“I was hoping to sit next to you for the wedding. I know how clingy and emotional you get,” he says, glaring directly at me.
“It must suck to be you,” I return, knowing my friends are not only watching but listening.
His lips curl up into semi smirk. “We’ll have to see how my luck holds out for the reception. Do save a dance for me.”
I glance over his shoulder at a wide-eyed Claire who is still twisting her neck and taking in everything, unaware of the conversation. She finally twists toward me, our eyes connecting and a smile growing on her face. I nod toward Claire. “I’d rather dance with her.” I direct my attention toward his girlfriend. “Claire, you look fabulous.”
Her smile broadens. “So do you. I love that dress.”
She is a kind soul. I’m wearing a non-descript baby blue dress that hits me at the knee. This morning when I got up, I realized I didn’t need to dress to impress. I had let Palmer occupy space in my head rent free for too long. I’m too old to play his games. I’m sure he thought I would take the bait and come dressed like one of his fantasy pinup super models. I’m no longer that girl. I’m not going to fear going to my favorite deli, flower shop, or anywhere else looking over my shoulder. I’m going to live my life as I do in Destiny Falls, fearless, unencumbered, doing what I want, when I want, how I want. The sooner the better, especially if I actually go through with my conversation with Mr. Franklin.
If I decide to come back to Mesa, Palmer and I will need to find a way to coexist. It might as well start today.
He begins to walk away but not before turning back in my direction as if he’d just remembered something. “I see you’re here man-less like I’ve always predicted. Still can’t hold on to a good man, I see. When will you learn?” He sneers in my direction before turning to catch up to Claire who grabbed seats a few rows behind us.
I take the hit, fully aware that he would wield it at some point. As I slip down into the pew, I spot Carlos and his best man walking to the front of the aisle chatting with the minister. We will be starting shortly.
The sharp nudge of Ursula’s elbow reminds me that the gossip wheels demand to be oiled. “I heard about you showing up all around town with a man. How come everyone’s seen him but me? Shouldn’t he be here right now?”
I begin to respond with the truth but am interrupted by the sound of the organ. The wedding processional march song. We all rise to our feet and shift our attention to the rear of the church. I hear Ursula’s exclamation to her husband, “Bringing back memories, huh?”
She’s forgotten her question to me for now. Lost in the music, the pageantry and joy of the start of the ceremony. I follow her lead and focus on the wedding but in the back of my head I know the question will return. Probably at the reception and this time it won’t be just her asking. Everyone will be wondering where my date is.
