AllFreeNovel
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His tan skin makes mine seem paler in comparison, and his dark hair almost shines a blue hue when the streetlights hit it. His tattoos paint a picture, allowing a glimpse into who he really is. Perhaps even the difficult life that has landed him in this position. I run my fingertips from his temple down to his jaw, mesmerized by the calm and relaxed state he’s in. How anyone can seem so peaceful with all that’s going on is beyond me.
My concentration is interrupted when we pull up to the gate. Just like every other time, there are no words exchanged. Just a simple nod and we’re let in. When we make it to the end of the drive, I look out the window and see Teddy standing in the doorway. Internally, I’m already mortified. Since he’s been back, I’ve made it a mission to stay away from Lucas, and now here I am, fondling his hair as he sleeps in my lap. It’s not like it matters anymore. Teddy and I have gone our separate ways, but in a sense, I’m still scared.
When he glides down the steps and opens the back door, his body freezes for a moment. First, he looks to Lucas, then runs his eyes up to mine. “Bender?”
I don’t even have time to reply before Julius is getting out of the front and coming to the back. “It’s worse than last time.”
I tip my head at his answer. So this has happened before. I want to remark, but I don’t. It’s clear they don’t want to tell me.
Teddy nods, then sidesteps. Julius grabs Lucas and hoists him out of the car. Lucas opens his eyes, looks around, then pushes Julius away. “I’m fine.”
Julius tries to interject. “No you’re not. Let me help you.”
When Lucas pushes him away again, he glances back to me with almost pleading eyes. “Lucas,” I say, getting out and rounding the car. “How about I help you?”
He looks to me with a huff. “You’re the last person I want help from.” The venom in his tone has my stomach in knots, but I brush it off and keep my calm mask in place.
“Well, that’s too fucking bad. Come on.” I grab his arm and haul him inside, leaving the rest of the boys on their own.
I lead him down the hall until we reach his door. He slouches into the wall, staring at me as I open it. “What are you gonna do?” he questions. “Bathe me, clothe me. Nurse me back to health like some sick fucking puppy?”
I push open the door and look to him. “What’s your deal, Lucas? Why so much fucking hostility. I haven’t done anything to you.”
He laughs, then stumbles into his room, so I follow and close the door. “I can’t read you, Flower. It’s like one minute you want me, then the next you don’t. And then I risk everything to try and protect you and you get mad at me. You know Teddy came to me that night and asked me to clean up the fucking mess he made? You know how upset that made me? Because I knew if I would have done what he asked, you would be right back with him.
“I contemplated doing it too. Even after what he did, I still contemplated it because I know my loyalty lies with him. But I question everything when I’m around you, or thinking about you, Charlie. I ask if the sky is really blue, is ice really cold, and if I’m really willing to break my loyalty for someone who has held it longer than you’ll even look my way. You make me feel shit I shouldn’t feel.”
I push my back against the door and try to catch the breath that’s leaving my lungs. “Lucas—”
He stalks toward me, cutting me off. “Tell me to stop, Charlie. Tell me to fucking stop because I don’t think I can unless you say it.”
Every thought in my mind fleets along with all of the previous words he spoke. I can’t tell him to stop because I don’t even know if I want him to stop. His mouth is on mine before I can blink. His lips are soft, but his kiss is punishing. He moves his hands to my hips and grips them hard, pulling me as close as I can get before we run out of space. His tongue flicks over my own and sets every nerve in my body on fire.
But then reality sets in, and the taste of the liquor on his lips makes me push him away. “We can’t, Lucas.”
He cocks his head to the side and looks at me with bloodshot eyes. “Why are you so scared, Charlie? Why won’t you let me show you how love is supposed to be.”
His question rocks me to my core, and the realization of everything that’s happened over the past couple of weeks hits me, along with something else. “I love—”
Lucas cuts me off again. “Him. You love him.”
“And I love you too.” The words slip out before I can stop them or even think about them.
He rubs his hands over his face, then tugs his hair. “Stop, Charlie. Just stop.”
“What do you want from me, Lucas? Just tell me what you want!”
“I want you! How are you so fucking blind!”
His confession makes my knees wobble and my heart beat faster. As much as I want to give in, to show him I want him too, I just can’t. “This isn’t right.”
“Nothing in this fucked-up world is right. Why should we have to be?” His shoulders slump, and his voice starts to crack. “I want you, Charlie. Only you.”
Tears form in my eyes, but I do my best to keep them at bay. “We can’t.”
He nods, tipping his head so he can look at me down the bridge of his nose. “So that’s it? Why’d you even come to the club, then?”
“I came because I care, Lucas.”
