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I’ve tried to push Lucas’s words out of my head all morning because I’m sure he didn’t intend for me to hear what he said. But over and over, they play on repeat in my mind. I was asleep, but the nightmare came just like it does almost every night. I was going to get up, try and clear my head, but when my door opened, something told me it was Lucas.
I have feelings for Lucas, more that have grown just over the past few months, but I don’t want to take that leap and be burned again. Lucas is exactly like Teddy in a lot of ways. He’s arrogant, cocky, and ruthless when it comes to things he wants. I never thought Teddy would ever do what he did to me. I thought in a way my love could change him, mold him, and I was wrong. I’m not sure if I want to take that chance with Lucas.
I’d rather love him silently and secretly before making the same mistake I did before.
I leave my room and walk into the empty living area. All of the boys left last night after Lucas basically confessed love to me and haven’t been back since. I didn’t bother calling them because I’m not sure I even want to face Lucas at this point.
I’m too ashamed to admit I love him, but I’m too ashamed to say I don’t too. I don’t see the point in dragging him along.
I pace the floor, wondering if maybe now is the time to start worrying, but just as the crazy unlikely scenarios start playing in my mind, the front door opens and Carl steps in.
“Where have you been? I have an appointment at four, and I was getting worried.”
Before he can answer, Julius breaks the threshold with Lucas tucked into his side. “Where can I put him? He’ll be fucked for a few hours at least.” He seems annoyed and angry, but I don’t ask why.
I’ve learned when it comes to the two of them, it’s better to let them work it out alone. They function on their own wavelength together. When they are in the middle of something together, their walls are impenetrable.
I can practically smell the booze on his breath from where I’m standing. I run my hand over my forehead and curse Carl and Julius both in my head for even letting this happen. “Just throw him on my bed I guess.”
As Julius pulls him further inside, then makes his way to my room, I look back to Carl. “What the fuck, Carl?”
“I’m sorry” is all he says.
“You’re sorry? Just a few months ago you were upset because he was the exact same way, and now you’re fucking enabling it?”
“I didn’t really have a choice, Charlie.”
“What does that even mean? Where have you all been?”
“We went to the casino to see if we could find more shit to offer Sebastian. The boys snuck in when we saw Emil leave and went down to the basement.”
My heart sinks when he says they went to the basement. “What did they see?”
He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. Just know it was bad enough for Lucas to want to hit Red Eye afterwards. And Julius brought up their dad. There was no stopping him.”
I release a breath and nod. I don’t know much about their dad, but I remember Julius giving me a little bit. How he used to be terrible to not only them but their mother too. How they killed him. My heart breaks for them both with just the thought. I couldn’t imagine having to live it.
But then my mind clings to where he was. Red Eye. The last time he was there, he had a bitch slobbering all over his dick. The mental image makes me angry even though I know I have no right. How can I be jealous when I’m the one holding back?
“I’ll deal with him. Run and grab some aspirin, water, and greasy food. Just whatever you think will help him sober up.”
I leave him without another word and walk to my bedroom door. I tap it lightly with my knuckles before turning the knob and stepping inside. Julius is sitting next to Lucas, holding his shoulder so he stays positioned on his side. “You can go, Jules. I got him.”
“He says shit he doesn’t mean when he drinks, Charlie. I think it’s best I stay with him.”
“I’ve dealt with him before. There isn’t anything he could say to upset me right now.” It’s a lie because I’m already upset, but he doesn’t need to know that.
He gives me a skeptical look. “I don’t want you getting worked up.” He glances to my stomach.
“I said I can handle it. Now go.”
He stares at me blankly. I prop my hand on my hip. “The only thing upsetting me right now is you, Julius. Let me take care of him.”
“You won’t be able to use the baby as an excuse forever, Charlie. Once it’s here, don’t expect me to be as nice.”
I laugh. “Shut up. You know regardless of me being pregnant you’ll always be nice to me.” There is nothing but truth in my statement.
Julius and I have always had some weird connection. It isn’t the same as what he and Lucas share, and it isn’t the same as what Lucas and I share, but it’s similar. I feel safe around him.
