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I stare into his eyes, trying to read whatever is dancing inside his mind, but I have no luck. Lucas is a stone. “You only say these things when you’re drunk,” I sigh.
“A drunk mind speaks sober thoughts,” he remarks.
I chuckle. “Well, if you still feel this way tomorrow when you’re sober, then maybe we can talk. But for now, I just need you to rest.”
I pat his tight stomach, feeling his rigid muscles under his shirt. He grabs my hand and pulls me closer to him, then presses his lips to mine. “I don’t need to be sober to know how I feel,” he breathes between kisses.
It takes everything in me to break away from him. I want to get lost in his taste, in his touch, in everything he’s offering me, but I can’t. I lay my palm flat on his chest and push him away. “Not now, Luke. Sober up.”
I don’t let him argue or talk me into just getting lost in him. I know right now I’m weak. I have hormones coursing through me telling me to just do it, but my mind has become stronger. After all of the shit with Teddy, I had to stop relying on my heart completely.
I stand from my bed and walk to the door. I force myself not to turn around one last time as I walk out the door.
“We have about an hour. Want to leave now and grab a bite to eat?” Carl asks as I close the door behind me.
I give him a tight smile and try to place my mind anywhere but on Lucas. “That’d be great.”
Eating with Carl was awkward. We didn’t speak the entire time, so I’m thankful to be at the doctor now and have some sort of meaningful conversation.
“How are you doing today, Charlotte?” Dr. Davis asks as he walks in.
I don’t know the guy, but Dr. Kelly recommended him for my prenatal care, and I trust Dr. Kelly. “I’m okay. Still having a little bit of morning sickness, but I’m good. I can feel flutters now.”
He smiles. “Soon they’ll turn into more than flutters. Go ahead and lie back for me.” He pulls a Doppler from his white jacket and lifts up my shirt. “I’m just going to measure your belly and check the baby’s heartbeat. Do you want to know the gender?”
He squeezes cold goop onto my stomach and starts moving the monitor around. “You can tell me that now?”
“Yes. I have your bloodwork results from the last visit. We don’t have to wait for the twenty-week mark anymore with new testing.”
I haven’t even thought about the gender of the baby. The only thing I’ve been worried about is making sure it is okay and making it to my delivery. I guess maybe the thought has crossed my mind a time or two, but it’s something I haven’t put much more thought into than that. I don’t want to know if I’ll be having a mini Teddy or a mini me. Most moms I’m sure would want to plan, but not me.
“I don’t think I want to know,” I murmur.
“That’s fine. Lots of moms want it to be a surprise too.” He smiles.
I don’t have the heart to tell him that I don’t want it to be a surprise, per se, I’d just rather be able to sleep well instead of worrying about if my future son, if it’s a boy, is going to turn into a murderous liar like his father.
I suck in a deep breath. “I’m glad I’m not the only one.”
He finds the baby’s heartbeat then turns the volume dial up, letting thumps sound out into the room. The sound alone is music to my ears. I’m not sure if every woman worries about losing their baby, but with the rough start I had with the pregnancy, it’s something that always eats away at the back of my mind. Hearing the repetitive, static-filled beats reassures me. I’m doing everything right and giving this baby the best chance. And honestly, that’s all I care about.
“Everything sounds great, and you’re growing right on track. I want to see you again in two weeks since your pregnancy had a hectic start.”
I nod and pull my shirt down after all of the gel is wiped off my belly. “Thanks, Doc.”
He flashes me another smile before leaving the room. I take a moment to myself and let out a sigh of relief. Sometimes I wonder if I don’t care enough to be a mom. Maybe somehow being with the Hales has numbed me to certain feelings, but the complete joy I felt hearing my baby’s heartbeat told me I’m worrying just enough. I don’t need to obsess over gender or what color walls I want to paint the nursery to be a good mom. I just need to continue doing exactly what I’m doing.
I grab my bag and exit the room, then walk to the lobby where Carl is waiting. “How’d it go? Little Hale all good?”
I grin and shake my head, thankful he’s using the nickname and not “boy” in replacement of baby or it. “Everything is perfect. I’ll come back in two weeks.”
He gives me a sharp nod, then holds open the glass door for me to step out first. The sun beats down bright, its rays almost combating the cold, but a chill still runs down my spine. I wrap my coat tightly around me, but the feeling doesn’t go away.
When Carl is beside me on the sidewalk, I glance around, holding his arm for support. “What’s the matter?”
“I don’t—” My voice is cut off by the intense breath I suck in when my eyes land on the sidewalk across the street. “Carl,” I whisper, reaching into my bag for my gun.
His eyes follow the path mine did. When he catches the same sight as me, he pushes me behind him. “Charlie, we can’t do anything with all of these people around.”
