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He finally drags his eyes back to me. “I’m moving back to my parents’ place. I found a job opportunity I can’t pass up.”
Ouch.
“You’re—you’re leaving? When?”
He nods. “Tomorrow. Which is why I’m glad you called. I was just going to stop by on my way out.”
“Stop on your way out? Am I not even worth a proper goodbye?”
He lets out a sigh, then moves closer, wrapping me in a bear hug. “Carmen, you’re the one who made it clear we’re nothing but fuck buddies. I tried to make you more than that, but you didn’t want it. I took what you would give. You can’t be mad at me for only treating you like a friend when that’s all you said we were.”
I want to be angry, but I can’t. He’s right. I’m the one who wouldn’t let us go any further, and I’m not mad about that. I’m more upset that he’s going to be gone. No more sex. No more escape. No more… comfortable.
“I know, I just… I don’t know. I guess I’ll miss you.”
“You guess?” He grabs my chin with a chuckle and tips it until my eyes are looking into his. “You know damn well you’re going to miss this cock.” He kisses the corner of my mouth before dropping his hand and stepping back.
I shake my head. “Fine. I am.”
It isn’t a lie. I am going to miss him, but I don’t think it’s for the same reasons he’s thinking. Bradley is my safe place. Somewhere I can run when life gets to be too much. That’s what I’m going to miss.
“I’ll visit though, and you can even come see me,” he says, pulling me from my thoughts.
“I am not driving two and half hours to fuck you on your parents’ ranch.” I push him away and turn, doing my best to hide the pain I’m feeling.
“Come on, Carmen.” He comes up behind me and grabs my hips. “Remember how much fun we had at my graduation party?”
I roll my eyes. “Fine. Maybe I will come see you, but for now, I’m going inside, tending to my fucked-up nipples and knees, then crashing. You should do the same.”
He turns me around and lifts my shirt. Red scratches cover my chest, and I’m sure my knees don’t look any better. A wooden table that isn’t sanded isn’t really ideal for activities.
He kisses one softly. “Always so blunt when you kick me out after a quick fuck. If that ever changes, I better be your first call.”
I roll my eyes again. “You know it’ll never change.”
Another thing I’ll miss. He knows I don’t want anything serious. Just his body, his comfort. That’s it.
He winks, then pulls my shirt back down. “A man can hope.” With that, he exits the greenhouse and disappears into the night.
With him out of sight, the weight of his words finally hits me. Really hits me. He’s leaving.
For the past couple of years, I always thought it would be me to end things. I would be the one to hurt him, but it’s him hurting me instead. I know we weren’t together in that way.
He doesn’t need to know why I like the shit I do or why I need it. He just gives it to me. It’s my own fucked-up coping mechanism. Something I’m not even sure I can share with someone else.
I just wish I would have savored tonight a bit more.
I push the thoughts away and leave the greenhouse.
