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I walk back to the counter and grab the towel, then wipe it along my wet skin. It’s coarse and itchy and makes every nerve in my body scream. Once I’m dry, I place the new gown on and leave the bathroom with the old gown and towel in hand.
As I place it in the basket, the door creeps open. Lydia looks around frantically until her eyes land on me. I can see the relief wash through her body. “Fuck, Carmen!” she squeals, rushing to me.
She places her hands on my shoulders, then rakes her eyes over me. “I’m fine, I promise,” I lie to her.
Truth is, I’m fine physically but not mentally. I just witnessed the man I thought to be my father killed and the man who was my father dead, but I need to keep my cool. This isn’t over yet.
“Are you sure?” she quizzes.
She knows the answer, but she wants me to say it. Lydia has always been able to see right through me. “I just need help.”
She looks over her shoulder, then brings her finger to her lips. “You have a friend outside, so watch what you say.”
I suck in a breath. “Yep. That’s Tony. I don’t think he’ll be leaving that post for a while.”
She steps closer and leans into my side. “Cut the details and just tell me what you need.”
“A lawyer.”
She rears back and looks at me with wide eyes. “What did you do, Carmen?” she whispers.
I shake my head. “Nothing, but it doesn’t look that way.”
She stares at me a moment like she’s contemplating what to do. “I—” She cuts herself off and brings her hand to her mouth to bite her nails and looks down.
“It’s Alexander. Cyrus did it because he killed William, but no one can know that. You’ve done this before. You’ve covered up an entire murder to save Carter, so help me. Please,” I beg.
Her eyes snap back to me. “William?” I can see the agony tracing her features.
Everyone loved William. He was caring and sweet. And he was my dad… but I’ll never get to talk to him about that. He’s gone, and there is no turning back time.
“Don’t make me focus on that right now. I can’t handle it.” My words come out choked and weak.
As tears well in her eyes, she pulls me into a hug. “The pain never goes away, but it does get easier. Some days, you’ll wake up and it will feel like there is a knife in your heart, and other days, it’s just a distant throb.”
I wrap my arms around her waist and squeeze. I never would have thought our roles would be reversed. It was less than two years ago that it was me trying to comfort her and be strong while she mourned her dad, but here we are. I did all the shit she warned me not to and got myself in this position, and I can’t help but think the only reason William is gone is because of me. That adds a new layer of pain I don’t feel will ever go away.
“How long until the knife part goes away? Because it hurts so bad.” I sob. I can’t even control it anymore. The dam breaks, and all my sadness spills out.
“Weeks, months, maybe years. There is no telling. You just have to remember it does get easier. And until then, you have me to hold you and tell you everything is going to be okay.”
“What if it isn’t you I want holding me?” I ask on a whisper.
She pulls away and looks me in my eyes. “Do you love him?”
Her question catches me off guard. It’s the same thing I asked her when she came to me for help to get her and Carter away from Mac’s wrath. “Love is a strong word.” I echo the same thing I told Cyrus not long ago. “But I think it could lead to that. Maybe? He makes me feel seen, Lydia. Like I’m not alone because he’s just as complicated and messy.”
“Then let’s figure this out. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”
I give her a small smile. “Thank you.”
“You know I can’t tell you no. You helped me when I was at my lowest. This is just me returning the favor the only way I can.”
I open my mouth to speak, but the door opens, cutting me off. “Miss Shultz, let’s get you checked out so you can get out of here,” Dr. Sullivan says, walking inside with the nurse in tow.
I grab Lydia’s hand and give it a squeeze as I wipe the tears from my cheeks. “Just find a good lawyer. I won’t say anything until then,” I whisper.
She nods and squeezes my hand back before dropping it and walking out the door.
