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Conor
It was only after Aurnia had gone, I could finally exhale, unwanted desire like fetid air in my lungs.
After Dublin Ink closed, I sank down onto the couch with a glass of whiskey, my nerves near their snapping point.
My eyes burned like I hadn’t slept in days—I hadn’t, not properly. Not with a certain thief stealing into my dreams. She’d walk right up to me while I was frozen in place, dripping wet in her torn black jeans and oversized jacket, hair fallen over one eye, and stare down at me before straddling me with one leg and then the next.
I was unravelling and I could feel each thread coming undone as the pressure built squarely between my eyebrows.
I had barely a second to catch my breath, when I thought I heard a sound in the back.
I listened for any noise without breathing. My muscles, held tensed all day, were shaking.
There. A light footfall. The rustling of clothing. Someone was moving in the back. Moving in the soft way someone moved when they didn’t want to be heard.
I set down the glass of whiskey onto the old floral rug. As quietly I could, I pushed myself up from the couch. There was a weariness in my body like I’d been back training consistently at Gallagher’s Gym. It was the ache of constantly punching, of constantly being punched: pain given, pain taken. And yet in my bloodstream adrenaline coursed as if I’d just taken an injection of it straight to the heart.
I don’t know whether it was the dimness of the shop, only a single lamp left illuminated, or whether it was my mental state that sent my thoughts spiralling to such a dark place as I wrapped my fingers around the baseball bat resting in the corner. But I was suddenly certain that it was past coming to get me.
My breathing was ragged in my ear, loud and imposing, but I could hear with almost crystal clarity his laughing words that terrible night, blood between his teeth, blood under his nose, blood pooling in his eyes, “I’ll get you one day, old friend. One day I’ll come for you, pal of mine.”
The pain in my leg flared but it was not the kind of pain the rain brought. It was a pain I hadn’t felt since that night: fresh pain.
Why not now? I thought as I moved quietly past the darkness of the kitchen, eyes adjusting too slowly. Why not when I was at my weakest because of the girl? What if she was a part of it? What if he had sent her to torment me before he took his revenge? I was bigger now, after all. Stronger now. He’d have to find a way to assert an advantage.
I felt feverish as I inched toward the storeroom, a damp, dark space beneath the stairs we’d converted with shelves and boxes. I felt more mad than scared. I was imagining old enemies. I was getting the past and the present confused. Was I after him, like I’d been that night? Or was he after me? The hallway, narrow and confined, was so dark that I had nothing to tether me to the here and now. Was I still in Mason’s grandmother’s townhouse? Still in Dublin? Or was I in Limerick? In that godforsaken apartment? With the weak thread of light alone coming from beneath his door as the old springs creaked and moaned?
I gripped the baseball bat tighter as if by holding on a little more firmly, I could keep my grasp of reality. But the truth was Aurnia had unmoored me.
My hand wouldn’t stop shaking even when I squeezed it tightly around the handle of the little door beneath the stairs. I tried taking a deep breath, but how could I when there was no air in my lungs? I reminded myself that it might not be him at all. But when I closed my eyes to keep my vision from swaying it was his eyes that I saw, somehow blacker than the darkness around him.
I yanked open the door. Something scurried back against the stack of the day’s deliveries. I fumbled for the light with my bat raised.
“You fucker!” I shouted as I tugged on the chain, light flooding the small space.
I was blinded momentarily from the light and if the grey dots in my vision would have remained just a second longer, I would have done something I never would have been able to forgive myself for.
With every ounce of strength in my body, I stopped the bat mere inches from Aurnia’s cheek. Her wide, fearful eyes stared at the end of the bat till it dropped from my exhausted hands. It clattered to the floor. I sagged against the doorframe, dragging a hand over my tired face. She and I stared at one another.
She was cowered on her knees, hands still up by her face, fingertips shaking as she looked up at me. She seemed more like a lost child than I’d ever seen her before.
Maybe things would have been different if I’d been able to pull myself together faster. Maybe things would have been different if I’d been able to utter even a single word. Maybe things would have all been alright if I would have just reached out my hand for her, drawn her in close, and held her as we both shivered.
But I was still seeing him. Every time I blinked, he was still lunging for me.
I didn’t notice until it was too late the dawning of panic in Aurnia’s eyes as she recovered first from the ordeal. She lowered her hands. Breathing heavily, she rifled through her backpack before drawing out a small stack of limp, filthy bills from her wallet. She pushed herself up and shoved them against my chest as she passed by me.
“Happy now?” she said angrily. “You’ve finally caught your little thief.”
Her eyes met mine once more, but only for a moment. It wasn’t anger that screamed at me from within; it was fear.
The bills fell to the floor and I stood there, still leaning against the doorframe, motionless as I heard her stomping toward the front door. It slammed with a rattle behind her. I still didn’t move.
It was then that I noticed the folded-up hoodie in the back, a mock-up of merch Mason had made for Dublin Ink that I’d shot down without even glancing at it. I noticed the little Tesco bag of groceries. A quilt and pillow I’d sworn I’d seen in a guest bedroom upstairs.
I gathered the bills into my hand. Following a hunch, I went to the cash register after switching off the little light, comparing the contents with the receipts. I frowned in confusion.
Aurnia had not stolen a single dime.
So then why had she claimed that she had?
