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“It ruins everything if you’re real,” she muttered. “And that’s why I’m mad at you. That’s why I wish you never came over here. That why I’m going to leave.”
She stood.
I caught her by the wrist. Her eyes flashed like daggers, but I met her violent gaze undisturbed. Unfazed. Unafraid.
“Let me go,” she hissed.
I knew she’d scream again. I knew she’d have no qualms about making another scene. I knew that if she truly wanted me to let go that she would get exactly that. Noisily. Messily. Probably law involving-ly…
“You said he thinks he’s Clyde,” I said.
It was enough to catch her off guard. Maybe she was expecting a “Don’t go.” A “But I don’t even know your name.” Maybe she didn’t know me as well as she thought in that pretty little head of hers.
“Well?” I pressed when she just stared at me in half angry, half trying-to-be-angry silence.
“Yes,” she said.
She spit the word out at me almost spitefully.
“And that makes you his Bonnie.”
“I already told you.”
“Who do you want to be?” I asked.
I could feel her pulse beneath my thumb. Feel it pounding against me.
“That’s a stupid question,” she said, trying to tug away. Or at least trying to want to try and tug away.
“You don’t want to be Bonnie,” I said, holding her in place. “You don’t want to play this silly little role with this silly little man.”
She glared at me.
“And you said you hate me because I’m real, because if I’m real I can’t be what you imagined in your mind when you saw me watching you last night,” I said, my words quicker than I intended. More desperate than I ever would have wanted. “But what if I wasn’t real? What if I could be exactly who you wanted when you thought of me? What if I could see you exactly the way you wanted me to see you when you thought of me walking down those stairs?”
The noise of the bar seemed to fade away. The music. The drone of the crowd. The clinging and clanging from the distant slot machines. All I could feel was the woman’s pulse against my thumb. Loud like rapids. Roaring. All I could hear was her breathing, almost panting, her breath hitching.
She remained half pulled away from me. Half ready to leave. Half wanting to turn away from me and never lay eyes on me ever again. I’d go back to Ireland. To the place I’d called home until I saw her up there on stage. She’d go back to being Bonnie, whoever the fuck Bonnie was. Half ready to leave us both without homes. Both without identities. Both without knowing who or what the fuck we even were.
She licked her lips. I watched her tongue slide over the high ridges I longed to climb with my own tongue. To trace with my dick as she looked up at me with those eyes. Those damn eyes.
“How do you want me to see you?” I asked. I begged. I fucking begged.
She hesitated. Studied me in that strange way again. Like there was nothing at all to study. Like she already had me memorised.
She stepped closer. And closer still. Stepped close enough that her thigh was against my thigh. Her shoulder was against my shoulder. Her lips were just inches from my lips. She bit that lip. That lip that was just inches away from mine.
“Like this,” she said, her voice low. Thick. Syrupy.
“Like this?” I echoed back. Stupidly. Dumbly. It was all I could manage with her so close.
She twisted her hand around in my now loose grip so that it was she holding onto me. Her fingers intertwined with mine, her touch sending electricity up my arm. I inhaled sharply.
“I want to be seen just the way you’re seeing me right now… I want to try that.”
“How do I see you?” I asked, voice barely a whisper.
The woman smiled. She leaned in closer than I thought was possible. Her breath was hot against my ear.
“Like I’m beautiful. Like I’m real.”
It was she who tugged at me this time. Tugged me away from the bar. A couple twenties thrown over her shoulder like pennies into a wishing well. Tugged me toward the neon glow of the emergency exit. Toward the night filled with flashing lights and none flashing brighter than her.
We were in a bar. And then we were in each other’s arms. And it was as if there had never been a bar at all. Never anything but us.
