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In less than a week, I’m going to be heading off for college, and Maria will be here, finishing her last two years of high school.
I love this girl like crazy, I really do, but I don’t think staying together is the right thing. She should enjoy her last two years of high school, and I should have the freedom to enjoy being in college.
We shouldn’t be stressed over a long-distance relationship right now.
We should just be living our lives. Having fun. Enjoying being young while we can.
“Do you want to grab dinner aft—” she starts to say just as I finally find the courage to tell her. As a result, we pretty much talk over each other.
“We need to talk, babe.”
Her eyes jerk to mine, but I repeat myself, just to ensure she hears me.
“We need to talk, babe.”
She doesn’t say anything at first, instead searching my gaze. Eventually, she looks out toward the park and nods. “Yeah, I guess we do, huh? You’re leaving soon, and we need to figure out where we go from here.”
“Yeah,” I say, nodding even though she isn’t looking at me. “I don’t want to break up, but I don’t see how we’re going to be able to stay together.”
She grimaces, her eyes fixated on her shoes. “You don’t think we can manage long-distance,” she says, her voice tinged with sadness.
Fuck. This is hard. Harder than I thought it would be.
“I…I don’t think that would be good for either one of us, you know?”
She looks up at me, and one tear slips from her lid and down her cheek.
I feel like the biggest bastard on the planet.
“Fuck, babe. I’m sorry. I hate this. I hate—”
“It’s okay.” She shakes her head and sniffles. “I understand. You deserve to start college with a clean slate. A new beginning without anything holding you back.”
I don’t know what to say to that, but Maria doesn’t give me any time to figure it out. She stands up from the park bench and leans down to press a soft kiss to my cheek. Her last kiss to my cheek. “Goodbye, Remington Winslow.”
Fucking hell. This isn’t how this was supposed to go. This isn’t how it was supposed to feel—like I’ve intentionally put myself in a meat grinder.
“Maria, I don’t want it to end like this between us,” I start to say, but she shakes her head and pulls up to stand straight.
“Nothing else needs to be said, okay? I understand. You’re moving on, and one day, so will I.” Her eyes shine with more emotion, but she doesn’t linger after that. With a flick of her hair and a turn of her toe, all I’m left with is the sight of her walking away.
I pull my Walkman from my pocket and put my headphones on in an effort to drown out the feeling of sitting on this bench all alone.
I expect it to make me feel better, to help me find the reasoning in my decision and settle into the consequences. But when the opening lyrics of “Someone Like You” start to fill my ears, I find myself thinking, I hope, one day, I’ll find someone like Maria again.
Still Friday, November 15th
Remy
I was such a fucking idiot back then.
An eighteen-year-old prick who broke up with Maria because he was going off to college. Because he wanted freedom. Wanted tail. Wanted to play the fucking field. A dumb little shit who had his priorities all fucked up.
But I know better now.
I know what my priorities are, and I know exactly what the woman standing in front of me means.
“Maria.” I try to get her attention, try to get her to turn around and look at me. “Can you just hear what I have to say about us? About our future?”
“Remy, I really just want to go,” Maria whispers back, and when she turns around to look at me, a fresh sheen of tears makes her eyes shine beneath the dining room lights. “I just want to get Izzy and go.”
It breaks my heart.
“And you want me to stay here?”
She averts her eyes and nods.
“Well, that plan doesn’t work for me, Ria,” I tell her, anger and frustration and adrenaline and even fear starting to pump through my veins. I refuse to let her walk away from me this time. “It’s actually a really horrible plan.”
When she doesn’t respond, still won’t look at me, I keep going.
“When we broke up all those years ago, I remember thinking to myself, I hope I meet someone like Maria again. And I might’ve been a fucking fool back then, but I’m not a fool now. I don’t want someone like you, Maria. I want you. Just you.”
She looks up to meet my eyes, and I step toward her.
“I love you. I’ve always loved you, Maria. But somehow, ever since we got stuck in an elevator…twice…I’ve fallen deeper in love with you each day that we’ve spent together. When I see our future, I see you and me and Izzy. I see more sleepless nights with a fussy baby and busy days with a wild toddler and silly arguments over what movie we’re going to watch when Lexi stays the night. For the past fifteen years of my life, I’ve been closed off. I haven’t wanted a relationship with anyone. But that’s not who I am when I’m with you. I want commitment with you. I need it. This has never been about playing fucking house, Maria. This has been about a man falling in love with a woman and wanting to spend his life with her. This is about me finding my family in you and Izzy.”
