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“So, what happened after you two had sex?”
I glare at her. “Made love. We made love.”
She nods again, fuck her damned head nodding. “I think you believe you made love, but making love is for people in love. From what you’ve told me, this man didn’t love you.”
“He took care of me. He didn’t have to and he did. We connected. At the end, there was something there, something real ...”
“Caring and loving are two different things, Willow.”
“I know that,” I snap.
“Why don’t we look at the fact that he hasn’t contacted you at all this past week? If he cares about you, why would he just leave and not come back for you?”
“I told him not to, and there is also the fact that he’d be arrested on the spot.”
“You don’t think a man in love would try anyway?”
I growl, frustrated.
“The feelings you’re experiencing, they’re not real, Willow.”
“I know what you’re thinking, and I don’t have it. I don’t have Stockholm’s Syndrome.”
She exhales. “I didn’t say that. While it’s common in kidnapping victims, I believe your case is a little different. Your kidnapper didn’t take you to hurt you, in a sense, he took you to protect you.”
“How do you suppose that?” I cross my arms, leaning back into the chair.
“From what you tell me, the other option would have been much worse.”
I never thought of it like that.
“Why don’t you tell me more about your feelings for this man? Help me understand.”
“I’m not crazy.”
“I never said you were.”
“My feelings aren’t fake. They’re very real.”
“What makes you believe that statement is the truth?”
“Seriously, can we just drop it? I survived, I made it through, and I’m free. End of story.”
She writes something down. “Why did you just change the subject, Willow?”
“Because I don’t know how to answer you without sounding insane!”
“Then tell me, what is it that makes you want to be with him so badly?”
I glare at her. “I didn’t say I want to be with him.”
She leans back in her chair and writes down some more notes. “So you don’t miss him?”
“I don’t know,” I yell. “I don’t know!”
She nods and then closes her notebook. “I think that’s enough for today. I want you to go home and think about why you defend him, why you resent him, why you’ve got feelings for him, and bring me some notes for our next session.”
I don’t thank her or say anything else. I just stand and walk out.
I can’t deal with this.
I can’t deal with her.
I can’t deal with life.
I want to go back.
I want him.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
“WILLOW, IT’S OKAY. I don’t expect you to come,” Jenny says, tipping some sugar into her coffee.
It has been another three days, and I don’t feel any better. I can’t get him out of my head, and the more people tell me it wasn’t real, the more I believe it was. My shrink tries to make sense of it, of me, but she’s getting nowhere. I’m all over the place. I hate him. I want him. I resent him. I can’t get anything right in my head. I haven’t turned my phone on again since the first night I got home, and I refuse to. If he wanted to find me, he would.
It's very clear he doesn’t.
I think that hurts the most.
“I don’t mind, Jenny. I have to get back to life sooner rather than later,” I say, sipping my coffee. It’s Jenny’s birthday tonight and she’s having a party at a local club. She’s trying to tell me I don’t have to go but I need to feel like I’m not drowning for just one moment.
One single moment.
“I don’t think you’re ready,” Ava says, agreeing with Jenny.
“It’s not up to you to decide if I’m ready or not,” I mutter, putting my coffee cup down a little harder than I’d like. “I want to be normal. I just want my life back, and you two are smothering me.”
“You got kidnapped,” Ava says, her voice careful. “We thought you were dead. You need to understand why we’re feeling the way we are.”
“I know,” I say, exhaling. “I understand, but if I don’t get back to normal soon, I’m going to drown. Do you understand? I can’t take it anymore. I need some fresh air.”
I stand and shove my coffee cup away, then I leave the apartment. Walking without thought for as far as my legs want to carry me. I know they have my best interests at heart, but they have to understand how hard it is for me. I am finding it hard to settle back in, Jagger is on my mind day and night, and I can’t breathe right without him. That scares the hell out of me.
Once I’ve cleared my mind enough, I turn and head home. I am going to the party tonight, and I’m not going to spend a single second longer wallowing. As soon as I return, I shower, wash my hair, and get dressed. I pick a low-cut, black dress and leave my hair down, curling around my breasts. Jenny and Ava both look like they want to say something, but neither of them do. Instead, they get ready right along with me and we all leave together.
