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My reaction to her has nothing to do with my father’s warning, and everything to do with the fact that I am truly weak for her. She is my drug, my kryptonite, she makes my blood sing and my heart beat. Her hand feels small in mine and I squeeze it giving her a knowing grin, one that used to make her smile.
“Let’s just eat, okay?”
“I don’t want you to be mad at me for coming here…”
I blink, realizing now why she’s so nervous looking, why she seems as if she might barf at any given second.
“We can’t do this right now, Jules, soon, but not right now. And I’m not mad at you for coming here. You were invited.” I’m not ready to hear her excuses, or how much she regrets telling me she loves me or misses me from the other night. I guess in my mind, I’m not ready to let her go, to let go of the pain. Her big blue eyes pierce through mine, making the air in my lungs still.
“We’ll talk later, okay?” I tell her and my statement causes her to perk up. She nods once more, her whole body relaxing, her jaw goes lax, and the scowl on her face dissolving. The thought of how scared she was just now, of how worried she was over my reaction of her being here is like a punch to the gut.
This house used to be her safe haven and today she was afraid to even come here and all…because of me. I’m such a fucking asshole. I force myself to think about something else, something like the fact that a truce seems to have taken place between us, at least for right now.
I’m still angry and upset, but the pain is so much more bearable with her by my side. Knowing we’re on the same page, even if it’s just for tonight, makes it easier for me to breathe again. She lets me guide her into the kitchen and as soon as I release her hand from my own, I feel lost.
My father eyes me closely as we enter the kitchen but as soon as he sees the small smile on Jules’ pink lips, his own face lights up. We each grab a couple different items and bring them to the table in the dining room.
“Dig in, guys,” my father announces, but Sebastian and I are already one step ahead of him. We have family dinners almost every Sunday, but I can’t remember the last time it felt like we’re an actual family.
“Anything new going on with my boys?” dad asks, dabbing at his mouth with a napkin.
“Nope,” Sebastian chimes first, before taking a drink of his soda. “Just pushing a bunch of papers around an office dealing with assholes every day.” He grins at me and I roll my eyes. It’s not like he has to deal with me every day. Just the ones that end in y.
“What about you, Rem? Anything new?”
I shake my head, shoving a chip into my mouth, chewing it and then answering him. “No. Same old, same old,” I lie, everything has changed since Jules came back into my life. It’s like she turned my entire world upside down…or maybe it’s just been up upside down this whole time and her showing back up turned everything right side up?
“Well, Alexander called me the other day,” he says, directing his attention off of me and I almost sink into my seat.
“There is nothing new with him either, or at least nothing he can tell me about, I guess. He’s still somewhere in the desert, in Iraq and he still isn’t sure when he’ll be home next. He did tell me to tell you all he said hi, you too Jules.”
I glance over to the picture of my brother in his dress blues hanging on the wall. I haven’t seen Lex in over a year. He was only supposed to be deployed for seven months, but the idiot extended his tour. Typical of him. He always did want to save the world.
“Tell him I said hi back next time you talk to him,” Jules murmurs with a mouth full of taco.
“Jules, what about you, how are your grades? Still kicking ass, I’m assuming?”
She grins. “Of course, Papa. Grades are the most important thing. It’s been a little rough getting used to things, classes, and figuring out where everything is, but my grades aren’t reflecting the mass chaos taking place in my life.”
“Good. I’m glad to see at least one of you have your head on straight.”
“Seriously, Dad?” Sebastian mumbles through a mouth full of food.
“What? It’s true. You know they say it takes men longer to mature than women? I’m starting to believe that statement.”
I roll my eyes but smile. For the first time in a long time, the storm inside of me calms. It isn’t wreaking havoc on my body. For the first time since Jules left, I can breathe, laugh, smile, enjoy the moment for what it really is.
