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“Just go back to her…go let her suck your…” She trails off and I smile, almost chuckle because she can’t even say it.
“She’s nothing, Jules, nothing.” She struggles in my arms. “And I’m not letting you go just so you can walk away from me thinking something ridiculous.”
“I can’t do this, Rem. You’ve been with a lot of women, and most of them are here at this school. I’ve never even kissed anyone besides you.” She’s scared. Afraid. The sadness in her voice makes me wish I had the strength to punch myself in the junk. Why did I think with nothing more than my dick for so long?
“Look, I didn’t know you would come back to me. Had I known, I’d still be a virgin too, and you would be my first. I know I can’t take back the things I’ve done, but I won’t skip out on you. I don’t want anyone but you, you’re all that I want. Your inexperience doesn’t mean shit to me. In fact, it makes me want you more.”
Her hands grip onto my t-shirt, pulling me closer instead of pushing me away.
“You don’t mean that…” She’s mumbling and I won’t have it. I won’t let her think that she’s less than any of the girls here not when the truth is the opposite. She is so much more. Tipping her chin up, I force her to look at me.
“I only want you, Jules. Only you. I don’t want Layla or any other person in the entire fucking world. I. Want. You.”
Tears swim in her gaze, and she nods her head as if she accepts what I’m saying, but I’m not stupid. It won’t be that easy for her to move on from this. I’ve got a reputation and there is bound to be more issues like the one that occurred with Layla today.
“I’ve got to go,” she whispers, trying to pull away.
“Come home with me,” I beg with my eyes.
“No. You can’t be just friends, and I can’t be in a relationship with you, so until we figure out what we are, we should probably keep some distance between us.” Her response isn’t what I want to hear, but I understand. Releasing her even though it kills me, I take a step backward.
“Whatever you want, Jules. I’ll give you whatever you want, but you can’t leave me. I won’t make it through losing you again.”
Dropping her arms down to her sides, she looks up at me one last time. “I’ll see you later, Remmy.” And then she turns and walks away, leaving me standing there with my heart in my hands, wondering how I’m going to make the only person that I ever really loved trust me again.
The bet…that would be a great place to start.
Chapter Sixteen
Jules
“Whatever you want, Jules. I’ll give you whatever you want, but you can’t leave me. I won’t make it through losing you again.” Remington’s words haunt me, whispering in my ear, making me feel a rush of feelings I never thought I would feel toward him again. I won’t hurt him again, but I also won’t allow myself to get swept up in all the emotions I’m feeling.
Remington still hurt me, he still said horrible things, and though he apologized, and I understand why he did and said the things he did…I can’t just shut off those feelings. I can’t just act like he wasn’t a complete asshole to me.
Forgiving is easy, forgetting is something I can’t do. I think about this all day, how Layla talked to me after class, how Remington’s reputation will always be what it is. How people will always look at me when they see me with him.
How can we be whole again?
Last night was amazing, waking up in his arms, even more amazing, but losing myself inside him, that’s a fear only I can truly feel. I walk to my last class of the day, secretly wanting to skip it but knowing I shouldn’t. As soon as I enter the room, I realize that this is the same class I share with Cole.
Fuck. My gaze sweeps around the room for him. He’s nowhere in sight, but that doesn’t mean he won’t show up soon, class doesn’t start for another five minutes.
A shiver of fear makes its way up my spine as I force myself to take my usual seat. Maybe he won’t show up? I was so caught up in my own thoughts, in my thoughts about Remmy, that I failed to remember my one class with Cole. Remmy said that Cole doesn’t live at the frat house anymore, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to stop coming to classes.
There’s a sticky sick feeling that coats my insides as I watch the door like a hawk. I’m waiting for the moment he shows his face so that I can bolt. I don’t want to be in the same room with him ever again. When the professor comes in and starts class, the dreadful feeling in my gut lessens. Maybe he just left school altogether. The more we get into the class, the calmer I start to feel and the more convinced I become that he’s not coming back.
