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I hate you…I trusted you…I hate you so much. You’re dead to me…
I’ll never be able to forget the look in her eyes as she said those words. I had lost her all over again, and because of such a childish fucking thing. A bet… something I had played, had done since freshman year. No one had ever gotten hurt before, not until now.
My fingers slice through my hair, grabbing two fistfuls, I pull on it so hard I think I might pull it straight from my scalp. The sting of pain runs ripples across my scalp, but it’s not enough. I want to feel the physical pain. I’ve never craved pain so much in my life.
My hands are already bloody, my knuckles aching, but it’s not enough. It will never be enough… no amount of pain can rival what Jules is going through right now. Not only did I break her with this, but I shattered her… I tried to reason with myself, but she wouldn’t forgive me, not ever. Fuck, I wouldn’t forgive me. I didn’t deserve her forgiveness…her love. Plain and simple, I didn’t deserve her, but I couldn’t stop loving her.
Tears fall from my eyes. I can’t stop punching the wall, over and over again, the drywall sticking to my bloody fists, but I don’t stop
I want to hit something else and nothing’s quite as appealing as one person’s face.
Cole. I need to find him, he did this. He hurt her, threatened her… he sent that fucking recording. I’m fucking sure of it.
Nothing else matters to me. I told Jules I wouldn’t go after him, but that was before, before my entire world exploded. Now he would pay, just as I was. He would suffer.
Before I realize it, my feet are moving on their own, carrying me out of my room and down the stairs. All the guys have congregated in the kitchen, their heads snap up when they see me coming. I don’t pay them much attention…my focus on one thing, and one thing only.
Which is probably why I don’t see that one of the guys standing among my roommates is my brother Sebastian. Confusion… What the hell is he doing here?
I was ready to throw a punch at any of these fuckers, but Seb? I open my mouth to say something, but I don’t even get a word out before he’s on me. His face is a mask of barely controlled fury, and I know he knows.
His fist slams into my face once, twice, three times…the impact of his punch jarring. Then he releases me with a shove, making me stagger backward. My knees almost buckle, and I have to lean against the wall to keep myself upright.
I deserve this… I deserve it so much.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? How could you do this to her? I can’t even believe you are my fucking brother.” He shakes his head in disbelief, and I want to tell him I can’t believe it either, but I keep my mouth shut.
“I’m so fucking ashamed of you.”
Every single one of his words slices through me like a hunting knife carving through my chest. The words are bad, but they are nothing compared to the tone of his voice. I’ve never heard him sound like this. The agony in his voice. He means everything he’s saying…and he should. I’m a disgrace to my family, to the male race.
My father didn’t raise me like this. He raised my brothers and me to be good people, not pieces of shit and immature bastards. I can barely look into Sebastian’s eyes, the shame, the guilt it owns me. I think of my father… I doubt I’ll ever be able to look him in the eyes again, because I know that it will never be the same, he’ll never see me as just his son.
I’ll always be a reminder of the pain I inflicted on Jules and though my family has forgiven me for some fucked up shit… they will never forgive me for doing this.
“I would have been pissed and disappointed if you did this to another girl…but Jules? I can’t even find the words to tell you how I feel right now. Jesus fuck Rem, we’ve known Jules our whole fucking life. She is like a sister to me, like a daughter to our father…”
The air is sucked from my lungs, and my thoughts start to swim, my head spinning.
“Fucking say something!” Sebastian spits in my face before pulling his fist back and punching me in the stomach so hard I double over and slide to the floor. My knees hit the floor first, the impact vibrating up my body.
Say something. What could I possibly say? There is nothing I could say that would make this any better. I can’t defend myself, because there is nothing to defend. Everything he has said is true. I did this…to Jules.
