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Her whole body is vibrating, shaking like a leaf in the wind, while big fat tears roll down her cheeks. I leaned down and kissed her forehead, willing her to wake up from this nightmare, to open her big blues. A thin layer of cold sweat meets my lips at the brief contact, and I hold her a little tighter, making sure she is warm, safe, secure.
“Clark?” she finally calls out to me, her voice hoarse, quiet, but still music to my ears. I pull away, but only enough to look at her face. I’m not ready to let her go just yet. My eyes collide with a pair of swollen blues, a haunting look rippling inside them, and yet they’re the prettiest pair of eyes I’ve ever seen. Secrets as deep as the ocean reside inside of her, and though I’ve only known her for a short time, it feels like I’ve known her my entire life.
Funny, I can’t imagine what Vance would think if he heard me talking like this.
“I’m here, it’s okay,” I try to soothe her. “It was a dream, you’re safe here.” I feel like I’ve already told her this five times today, but if I have to, I’ll tell her five million more times, if that’s what it takes to make her see that she’s safe, to feel it, then I’ll do it.
I won’t stop telling her until she believes me.
I gaze down at her, taking her in… taking in this moment. The realization hit me that this is the most intimate I have ever been with anybody. The state she is in right now makes her extremely vulnerable, I can see it in her eyes, this is her stripped bare. Her soul laid out at my feet.
She doesn’t say anything, but I can feel her visibly calming. Her body becoming less and less rigid in my grasp. It’s almost like she is sinking into my arms, becoming more, and more comfortable in my embrace. After a short while, when I’m certain she’s okay, I start to pull back. No matter how much I want to hold her in my arms, I know I shouldn’t.
I can’t grow attached to her, at least not in a sexual way. And I can already feel myself growing attached, wanting to protect her, feeling possessive over her. I don’t want her out of sight, and only in my arms. I want to shield her from the rest of the world.
“Are you…are you okay?” I ask, pulling back a little more.
“Yeah… do you…” She starts to stutter, her eyes on my chest as if she’s ashamed, or afraid to say whatever is on her mind. “Can you… will you stay with me? At least for a little bit.” The organ in my chest beats furiously, and looking down at her, seeing the anguish in her face how can I say no?
“Of course, I’ll stay as long as you need me to. Can I asked you something thought?”
“Yes,” she whispers hesitantly.
“Does your dad or your mom know? Did you ever talk to anyone about what happened to you?” I know I’m in dangerous territory here, I’m no expert, but I highly doubt this is something she wants to be asked.
“No, no one knows. I never told my father and my mother died when I was a baby.”
“I’m sorry, Em. About your mom and about what happened to you. I’m here… if you ever want to talk about anything,” I offer, not expecting her to say anything, at least not yet.
“I was fifteen when it happened,” she says, her voice breaking at the end as tears roll down her beautiful face. My stomach is in knots thinking about it. Fifteen, she was only fifteen.
She doesn’t say anything after that, but I’m glad she shared that little bit of information with me because it’s a step forward.
Emerson closes her eyes and turns her face, doing one thing I never expected her too. Without hesitation, she buries her face into my chest. I’m wearing a t-shirt, but I might as well be naked because all I feel is her hot breath against my skin. I listen as she softly inhales, and like the smug fucker I am, I grin.
It doesn’t take long for her ragged breathing to even out and finally I allow myself to relax. I know she is placing a lot of trust in me right now. Letting herself fall asleep in my arms, letting me hold her in her bed.
I can only imagine what she’s gone through and she isn’t just letting me do these things she wants me to. I can’t help but feel prideful in how much she trusts me. I got her to feel safe with me and something tells me she doesn’t feel safe with many people, maybe not with anyone at all.
