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Do not cry in front of them.
But I want to cry…I want to let the pain out. For some reason I thought college would be better, easier than high school, and in a lot of ways it is, but socially wise, it’s all the same. The mean girls still come for the girl in strange clothes, strange hair, and hidden secrets. Wanting to hurt others because deep down inside, they’re insecure, and the only way to make themselves feel better is to hurt someone else.
“What the fuck!?” a voice I know bellows out, sucking all the air from my lungs. Every single alarm bell inside my head starts to go off, and I push up off the concrete, rocking back onto the balls of my feet.
“Hey Vance,” one of the girls calls out to him seductively. Even though I know I shouldn’t be afraid of him, I can’t stop the flower of terror from blooming inside of me.
“Don’t hey me, get the fuck out of here. You’re both skanks and if I ever see you bother her again, I’ll let everybody on this campus know that you have genital warts and a hairy asshole,” he snarls, his lip curling with disgust, his green eyes menacing. I try and remind myself of Ava’s words… he likes you, but it does very little to calm me when he looks like a snake that’s seconds away from striking. I peek up at him and wonder how he and Clark are even friends.
“Whatever, you know that’s not true,” Holly sniggers. The girls tramp away, leaving Vance and me alone, and that’s when the real fear starts to set in.
Deep breaths. Deep breaths.
“I’m not…” he sighs, and I can tell this is new to him, and I focus on the fact that he hasn’t attacked me yet, the fact that he is Clark’s friend and that he is with Ava, and they love each other. “I’m not sure how to approach you, but I want you to know that I’m not going to hurt you, okay?”
The calms me enough, and somehow, I manage to speak.
“Okay,” I replied softly, so softly I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t hear me. Shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, he stands before me, cool as a cucumber which doesn’t match the demeanor he gave me on the night we first met.
His facial features soften, and I catch a glimpse of the man I’m positive that Ava fell in love with. Without a shred of impatience, he waits for me to come down from my near panic attack. With each second that ticks by, I find my muscles losing their rigidness, my chest rises and falls and my heart though still thudding loudly in my chest isn’t overpowering my hearing or thoughts. I can breathe, feel, think, fear isn’t controlling me, owning me and it feels like I’ve made a major leap into unknown waters.
You’re growing. My mind replies, and I know it’s true I’m growing, becoming stronger, learning to let go of the fear, learning to control the anxiety instead of letting it control me. I still have a long way to go, but today is a day of progress and that’s something to smile about.
“Can we not tell Clark about this, please?” I don’t want him to think this is his fault.
“Nothing to tell.” Vance winks and I find my lips tugged up into a smile, one that isn’t forced, and I kind of wish Clark was here to see this moment, after all, it’s because of him that I’m growing.
“I’m assuming that smile means you aren’t going to freak out if I offer to give you a ride to your house?”
“You would do that?” I question, dusting my hands off on my pants. A low hiss escapes my lips as the broken skin rubs against the fabric. Stupid mean girls.
“Yes, I would do that. Why does everyone think I’m such an asshole?”
The tiniest bubble of laughter escapes me, and I press a hand to my lips, surprised that I just straight up laughed at him.
“Oh, so you think so too.” He purses his lips, a ghost of a smile forming there. “Let’s go. I better get you to the country club before Clark has a mental breakdown. His dad called him and had him go run some errands for him, super important, I guess. I don’t fucking know, all I know is that Clark asked me to come and get you to take you to him.”
My heart does a somersault in my chest, he didn’t leave with someone else.
“I figured he was trying to avoid me,” I admit, unsure of why I’m sharing this thought with Vance.
“Avoid you?” Vance grins. “I don’t think he could if he tried. Do you really believe he would avoid you? It’s clear to me that he’s doing the opposite. If it were up to him, he’d spend every second of the day with you.”
