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Fuck. I think I’m in love.
Chapter Ten
Emerson
It’s been almost a week since that kiss, the most epic of all kisses, and sometimes I can still feel his lips on mine. I wanted him to keep kissing me that night, but part of me knew that it wouldn’t end at just a kiss if we didn’t stop. Hell, Clark even admitted that he wouldn’t be able to stop. And that’s the reason why it can’t happen again, no matter how good and how right it felt.
I can’t do this to Clark. I can’t bind him to me, never being able to give him what he wants and needs. He’s a man, and eventually, he’ll want the one thing that I can’t give him, and that’ll be our demise. I’d much rather have him as a friend than have him as nothing at all. Now that I have him, I can’t lose him, no matter what.
I’m curled up in bed with a book when a knocking against the wooden door drags me from the pages. “Come in,” I call out a moment before the door opens and Clark appears in the doorway. I don’t know why I was expecting it to be someone else. We’re the only two that live here.
“Hey you, Ava and Vance want us to go to a party with them over at one of the frat houses. Ava said she told you about it earlier in the week?”
A boulder of anxiety fills my chest. Great.
“I don’t know… I really don’t want to go,” I mumble, closing the book.
Clark steps into the room, and the air heats. He crosses the space separating us, coming to sit on the edge of the mattress. My heart rate increases at his nearness, and my stomach erupts with butterflies. Placing his hand near my thigh but not on it, he asks with a tone as soft as cashmere, “What are you scared of, Em?”
After our kiss things changed, I changed. I don’t understand how or why but I feel closer to Clark, like I can tell him anything and he’ll still be here. Like nothing I say will change his thinking of me. I’ve never experienced that before, and least of all with the opposite sex.
“I’m scared of people looking at me, talking to me or about me. I’m scared of people touching or just getting too close to me. I’m scared of getting hurt or having a panic attack. All the eyes that will be on me. Do you want me to keep listing things off or is that enough?”
“No, I want you to tell me how you’re going to live your life and be happy if you don’t face your fears, if you don’t shatter the glass ceiling holding you back?” I drop my gaze to my lap. I know he is right, but that doesn’t make it any easier. “Emerson, I know you are scared, and you have every right to be, but one day you will have to overcome your fears. I won’t let anyone hurt you, not ever, but I also won’t let you hide inside this house for the rest of your life.”
He’s right, he’s so right, and I have to at least try. The entire reason I decided to go to college was to let go of my past, to experience something new. I also wanted to escape my father, but that’s only half of it.
He’s not here. He can’t hurt you anymore.
I let the words resonate through me, fill me, until they’re all I feel inside me, lifting me up, giving me the courage that I’ll need to go through with this.
Lifting my head, I look up, staring into a pair of eyes that are the color of honey, and ask, “Will you come with me?”
A boyish grin with two dimples magically appears on his face. “You must be insane if you think I’m letting a girl as pretty as you go to a party all alone.”
Somehow he always finds a way to make me feel like I’m more than what I am. He makes me feel special even though I’m nothing compared to other girls, like Holly or Claudia.
Reluctantly I say, “Then I’ll go.” Adding, “Not all night though, and I’m only drinking one drink, and you have to promise me you’ll stay with me all night.”
It’s probably selfish of me to ask such a thing from him, but I’ll only go if he promises to stay alongside me all night. It definitely has nothing to do with all the girls I know will be tossing themselves at him, fighting for his attention.
“You know you don’t have to ask. I’ll do whatever you want me to.”
My heart clenches. “I know, and I feel bad. I don’t want to cramp your style or ruin your night.” Doubt starts to cloud my thoughts. “Maybe I should just stay home it would probably be best for all…”
