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14
Stripping out of my clothes, I pull on my swimsuit and walk out of the changing room and into the pool area wearing my new two-piece swimsuit courtesy of Libby, my foster carer. It’s nothing special, just a black crop top with a zip down the centre and matching black briefs. She bought it for me when she heard that there was a pool here, so I figured I’d take a swim. Why the hell not? I should be able to do what the fuck I want during my free period. Dinner’s in a couple hours’ time and I need to get my head straight after all the shit that’s happened today. I need the silence that only being underwater can provide.
I need to think.
Then I’ll deal with the fallout.
Fortunately for me, the pool’s empty. Though I’d bet my arse that most kids here aren’t swimmers anyway given no one used the pool the whole of last term. Lack of money, and not having any water nearby (apart from the murky River Thames, and no one’s swimming in that rat-infested muck) there isn’t much opportunity to learn how to swim back home. I suppose one of the only perks of being in foster care for me was that I was taken to swimming lessons from the ages of ten to twelve. It might’ve been a couple years since I’ve set foot in a pool, but swimming is like riding a bike, once you’ve learnt how, you don’t forget.
The scent of chlorine and the warm underfloor heating is somehow soothing as I walk along the edge of the pool to the steps leading down into the shallow end. It’s a large pool, a full fifty meters in length, deep even at the shallow end. Easing myself into the water which is a cool temperature despite the heat of the room, I try to relax, acclimatising my body. Once the sharp sting of cold ebbs away, I place my goggles over my eyes, hold my breath and dive beneath the surface.
The silence is blissful.
I feel light. Weightless.
Free from all the pressure that’s steadily building.
Pressure to secure Eastern’s future,myfuture. Pressure to play a role I have no idea how to fulfil without ruining everything. I’m Camden’s now.His.
I’m no longer my own person. I don’t get to choose who I’m friends with, who I want to spend time with. I’ve got to turn my back on Eastern and hope that by the end of it all we’ll still have a friendship left. I have to let go of these feelings I have towards Sonny and Ford, tucking them away and out of sight probably never to be felt again. And what about Pink and Kate? How will they react? Kate was shocked, uncertain, angry even, when I saw her earlier. What does she think of me now? Then, of course, there’s Camden. Can I really get him to trust me and then betray him so brutally? Granted, he’s not exactly an innocent, but does he deserve to be so royally fucked over? Will whatever I tell Crown put him in danger, make his future bleaker?
Probably.
Who am I kidding? It definitely will.
So many people will get hurt, myself included.
As I swim underwater, all these thoughts fill my head. Only the burning of my lungs and the spotting of my vision forces me to break the surface, treading water in the deep end. Tipping backwards, I float, stretching my arms out wide. I stare up at the ceiling, forcing all thoughts out of my head concentrating on the muffled sound of my heart beating as the water fills my ears. Closing my eyes, I steady my breathing and try to relax. I’m not sure how long I float for, long enough for my fingers to wrinkle anyway.
After an indefinable amount of time, I find myself floating near the back wall of the pool. Reaching for the ledge, I grab a hold of the silver bar and press my feet flat against the wall tiles, drawing my knees up and resting my cheek against them.
“There’s no escaping now, Asia,” I remind myself, squeezing my eyes shut.
“No escaping what?” a gentle voice asks me.
I jerk in the water, dropping my legs. Pink is standing on the side, looking down at me.
“What are you doing here?” I ask her, my voice sharp even though I don’t mean it to be.
“Looking for you,” she shrugs, sitting down on the edge of the pool and slipping her bare feet into the water. Her baggy jeans are rolled up to her knees, showing off milky white skin, several shades lighter than my own olive tone.
“Why?”
She cocks her head, staring at me as though I’ve suddenly developed a third eye. “Because you’re my friend, that’s why. Kate told me what happened.”
“What did Kate say exactly?”
“That when Camden claimed you were his in their English lesson earlier, Eastern lost his shit. That they fought. Ford stepped in. Separated them. It was pretty fucked up.”
“Ford stepped in?”
“Yep, pulled Eastern off Camden. Got him to back off. She said that Camden punched Ford too, but he just took it. Didn’t retaliate.”
“I didn’t know that. Eastern didn’t say.”
“Kate said Eastern stormed off to find you. That he was pretty cut up…”
“He was…”
