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“Sometimes I just need it to get me through. Most nights I smoke a joint… it helps me sleep, stops the nightmares.”
“Nightmares?” I ask, drawing on the joint.
“About my brother…”
When I frown, she takes the joint from me sucking in a deep lungful before blowing it out again. “My brother was shot trying to stick up for me. He died…”
“Fuck, Kate. I’msorry,” I whisper.
She nods tightly, drawing her knees up and wrapping her arms tightly around them. “On this day last year, Luke went to confront the girls bullying me at a party one of them was having at her house. He took a fake gun. He only wanted to scare them off me, to make them stop. It was a stupid thing to do. So fucking stupid, Asia. If I’d known, I would’ve stopped him.”
“What happened at the party?”
“There was a confrontation. One of the girls called the police saying that there was an intruder even though sheknewit was my brother. The Police arrived, assumed he was a nutjob and shot him dead. Up until then I thought those girls couldn’t hurt me anymore than they already had. I was wrong.”
“Kate, I don’t know what to say…” I want to hug her, but her body language tells me that’s not something she wants right now. Instead, I keep her talking.
“Why did Si leave?”
“Because of the guilt he felt. He gave my brother the fake gun and took me out that night so Luke could pay my bullies a visit. Si knew about Luke’s plans, and whilst my brother lay dying, I lost my virginity to the person who would eventually break my heart by leaving when I needed him the most.”
“Jesus fucking Christ. Kate, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry,” I parrot. The words of comfort I know she needs to hear not forming. I’m no good at this.
Kate laughs bitterly. “What for? Because my brother’s dead or because you’ve taken sides with the bullies here?”
“Both…” I say meeting her gaze. I need her to know I’m not one of the arseholes in the HH crew. “I know what it feels like to lose someone you love in tragic circumstances, Kate. You’d be surprised how many others here would too.” Of course, I mean Camden, but I can’t tell her about Sapphire or his mum. I wish I could, but I can’t.
“How can you do it? How can you sit at their table knowing what they did to you?”
“It’s difficult to explain…”
Kate passes me back the joint and I take it from her gratefully.
“You chose Camden over your best friend, over Ford and Sonny.Camden?”
“He isn’t what you think. It’s complicated, Kate.”
“Yeah, arseholes always are,” she says, gathering her bag and getting to her feet. “Goodbye, Asia. Thanks for the chat.”
“Wait,” I say, scrambling to my feet. “Can we meet here again. Maybe you can bring Pink?”
“Why? Aren’t we allowed to speak with you in public or something?”
“You were the one who refused to speak with me,” I remind her. When she scowls, I hold my hands up to placate her. “Look, I get why you’re avoiding me. I understand. It’s just… It’d be good to meet with you girls without all the complications of being seen together.”
“So, you do want to hide us away…? What, are you afraid Camden will dump your arse if he catches us together? God, Asia, you fucking disappoint me.”
“No. That isn’t it at all.” How can I tell her that I’m protecting her from Monk and by extension, from the King? Us being seen together will throw up questions and attention that none of us can afford. It will also fuel Monk’s fire. If he screws with them any more than he already has then it will lead to all kinds of trouble. Trouble that could lead to worse things than broken friendships and disappointment.
“Then tell me whatitis. Why don’t you tell me the truth?” she presses, grabbing the door handle ready to leave the minute she thinks I’m bullshitting her.
“I miss you, Kate. I miss Pink.” It’s the only truth I can give her in the moment.
“Then maybe you should have thought of that before you joined Camden’s crew.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “Maybe I should’ve.” But she doesn’t hear me because she’s already left the room and is halfway down the corridor leaving me acutely aware of the hole in my chest that her absence leaves behind.
