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“It’s not insane. If my foster parents can do it and make it work, then I don’t see why we can’t give it a try.”
“We?”
“Yeah. You, Ford, Eastern and me…”
I laugh. I can’t help myself. “Eastern isn’t into sharing, and Ford threw a fight so he could hand me over to Camden.” Granted Ford did it for non-selfish reasons, but Sonny doesn’t know that.
“We could make it work.”
“Not happening.”
“Bryce-my dad’s friend-lives with his partner Louisa and her two other boyfriends Max and Hudson. They’retogetheras a family unit. They’ve got one kid and another on the way. It can work.”
“You’re fucking insane. Besides, I’m withCamden.”
Sonny pulls a face, ignoring that remark altogether. “Ford cares about you, I know it. Eastern loves you, that much is fucking crystal clear, and I like you…a lot.” Sonny shrugs as though what he’s said is no big deal. But it is a big deal, a huge fucking deal made worse by the fact it can’t happen even if I wanted it too. When I don’t respond, he continues. “I thought we were getting somewhere before Christmas. I thought we’d started something. Now you’re with the enemy…”
“He isn’t all bad…” I mutter. The thing is, up until a few days ago I probably would’ve agreed with Sonny. Things are beginning to change.
“You’re defending him now?”
“You don’t understand, Sonny…” I stand and begin pacing up and down, trying to rid myself of this awful fucked-up feeling in my chest. I’m torn in so many directions. I’ve no idea which way to turn. “Look, I can’t be your friend. I can’t be anything to you, and you can’t be anything to me. None of you can, that’s just the way it is now.”
“No. I’m not buying it,” Sonny says, getting up and grabbing my arm forcing me to face him. “I’m not an idiot, Asia, so don’t treat me like one!”
He’s angry, and he has every right to be, but I can’t deal with this right now.
“You should leave. Get back to the party or whatever the fuck’s going on right now. Go take some more pills, get high, because you sure as fuck ain’t sober right now, Sonny!”
“I’mnothigh on drugs, Asia. Just fucking high on adrenalin. You’re right, I am a thrill seeker. I like the rush of doing something dangerous. It makes me feel alive…”
“Fuck sake. You’re an idiot.” I’m cross with him. Cross that he could risk his neck doing something so stupid.
“But it’s more than that, Asia. I get no bigger high than when I’m with you. You make me feel alive.You, Asia. I can’t stand this fucking expanse between us. I need to understand.”
I snatch my arm away from his hold and step back. He steps forward. “Sonny, don’t,” I warn.
“Give me something, Asia, so I can at leasttryto understand. Ford knows something. I suspect Eastern does too. Is Camden in on this too? Whatever the fuck this is…”
“Camden isn’t in on anything. None of them are,” I lie, my back hitting the wall. Sonny boxes me in with his forearms pressed flat against the wall either side of my head.
“Liar!”
“Sonny. I don’t owe you a thing. I don’t owe anyone anything. Just leave.”
“I can’t leave. Don’t you get it? I want to be around you. I want to help. Whatever this is, whatever shit you’ve got yourself embroiled in, I want to be there for you.”
“There’s nothing to help me with. Find someone else to fulfil yourknight in shining armourfantasy. I’m good.”
“Asia, just let me in.”
He boxes me in tighter, his hips pressed against my own and it takes all my willpower not to give in, to spill everything. I purse my lips, shaking my head. My chest heaves as I try to maintain control of a situation that is spiralling quickly. How did I ever think I could do this?
“Sonny, back off!”
I almost beg, almost plead, but I don’t. I become the girl everyone sees when they look at me, and I harden myself to him. Sonny has only ever been protective, supportive, kind, and yet I’m pushing him away the hardest. I turn cold, abrasive, because I refuse to bring him into this mess too. I won’t do that to him. He has a chance of a better life and that will only turn to shit if I accept his help.
“You’re shutting me out?Why?” he demands, when I push him back roughly.
