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23
Just over an hour later I watch Camden, Mr Burnside and Ford climb into the car Hudson sent. It leaves from the service entrance of the academy grounds kicking up dust and gravel as it pulls away.
“I’m glad Cal persuaded Mr Carmichael to let Ford go as well. He needed someone with him,” Sonny says as I stand like a cold, stone statue next to him.
I murmur my agreement, not able to voice my response. There’s so much I want to say but none of the words will form on my lips. I can still feel Camden’s grief tattooed against my skin, imprinted there for all eternity. After he was spent, Camden climbed to his feet and did everything he was told robotically. Not once did he look at me.
“Come on, we should go inside.” But my feet are glued to the ground as Sonny attempts to guide me back over the field towards the main building.
“You’re freezing, Asia. There’s no point standing out here any longer. Carmichael said we could take the afternoon off lessons. You’re coming back to my room,” Sonny orders, taking charge.
“I need to call my brothers first and Eastern should call Tracy,” I say eventually, on autopilot. My gaze flicks to Eastern who’s talking to Cal and Mr Carmichael. Feeling my stare, he looks over, giving me a pained look. He’s worried about his mum too.
“That’s a good idea,” Sonny cajoles, sliding his hand into mine, relieved that I’m finally moving at last.
As we head into the building a sombre feeling settles over us all. It’s almost time for lunch but I’m not feeling hungry. In fact, the very thought of food makes me want to hurl up my breakfast. I just want to curl up into a ball and hide from the world, from my actions and the consequences of them. This constant battle of trying to remain strong is taking its toll, but I force myself to straighten my back and take back what little control I have. Calling my brothers is the first step towards that.
“Mr Carmichael,” I say, pulling my hand free from Sonny’s hold and catching up with him.
“I’d like to make a call to my brothers. I need to check in on them.”
Mr Carmichael nods tightly. “Sure, use my office. Eastern is going to call his mum too.”
When we reach his office, Cal rests his hand on my arm. “I want to reassure you that your brothers are safe.”
Sonny remains by my side, looking between us. A nervous kind of energy fills the air. He thinks I’m going to lose my cool and take it out on Cal. I’m not. I feel empty. Cold.
Frozen.
I grit my teeth, forcing my mouth to move. “I can’t lose them…”
I leave that statement hanging in the air, not able to even allow myself to think the worse. I attempt to follow Mr Carmichael into his office with Eastern, but Cal steps in front of us both. He gives us a look that has my nerves prickling.
“What?” Sonny demands.
“I want you to come to my office after you’ve finished. We need to talk.”
“And we can’t do that now?” Sonny asks for me, his gaze flitting between us both.
Cal shakes his head, scraping a hand over his face. He looks like shit, but then again none of us can be accused of looking anything but. Seeing Camden fall apart like that was hard on all of us. “Make your calls then come see me, okay?” he requests, not giving us the opportunity to respond as he strides away.
“What can he possibly need to talk about that can’t be said in front of Mr Carmichael?” I ask.
“I’m not sure,” Sonny replies, his forehead creasing in a frown. “But I’m going to find out.”
Sonny reaches for me and pulls me in for a quick hug before jogging after Cal. I have the urge to follow, but when Eastern steps back out into the hall motioning for me to come, my feet move towards him instead. Pushing away the bad feeling in my chest, I head into Mr Carmichael’s office to make that call.
* * *
“How are your brothers doing?”Mr Carmichael asks, re-entering his office after giving us a moment to ring our families in peace.
I laugh hollowly, the sound unfamiliar, and when the words follow I wince at how they sound too. Robotic, stiff, without life.
“Sebastian said he found a conch shell and can hear the sea every time he lifts it to his ear… He also said that if he listens very carefully, he can hear mum singing his favourite lullaby.” My voice cracks and Eastern leans over, grabbing my hand.
Mr Carmichael smiles gently, a range of emotions flicking behind his eyes, but he remains stoic. “I’m sorry they’re being affected by all of this.” He sighs, taking a seat behind his desk.
“Yeah, me too. Me fucking too,” I mutter, making a promise to myself that when this is all over I’m never going to let them out of my sight again. I’m going to fight tooth and nail to get my brothers back.
