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25
Back in my room I fill Kate in about Camden’s mum and what we discussed in Cal’s office. The fucking guillotine has fallen and we’re all bleeding from the cut. None of us have come out unscathed. We all feel the deep wounds forming, the biting sting of them that no plaster or medicine will heel. Pain, disappointment, betrayal. I feel it all and if it’s fucking me up inside, the same must be true for my friends.
“How did Camden take the news?” she asks quietly, then winces because she knows how stupid that question sounds.
“Like someone had carved his beating heart right out of his chest and crushed it in their palms,” I respond, absentmindedly putting my own hand over the heart tattoo that’s etched into my skin, rubbing at the ache I feel there. A huge part of me wants to see Camden, to look into his eyes and seek out my place there. Another part, a much bigger part, is afraid. Afraid that he’ll never look at me the same way again, that I’ll see only hate in those topaz depths.
“Oh, God. This is so messed up,” Kate adds, voicing what we’re all thinking. “What’s going to happen now?” When I don’t answer, when Ican’tanswer, Kate reaches for me. “You blame yourself, don’t you?”
“Who else is there to blame when all is said and done? Camden’s mum is dead because I was stupid enough to try and kill the King and not go through with it. I had my chance, Kate, and I blew it. The King has sent us all a very clear message. Fuck with him, and he’ll murder the ones we love.”
“You can’t think that way, Asia. Camden’s mum has been the King’s punching bag for years now, it was only ever a matter of time before he took her life,” Eastern says, trying his best to soothe my guilt.
“Maybe, maybe not. Either way, it doesn’t change the fact she’s dead and that Camden has to live with the knowledge his mum was murdered then dumped like a piece of trash just so he could send a message to all of us… to theBlack Sheep.”
I spit Mr Carmichael’s nickname out, the betrayal I feel making its mark on my soul. He lied to me, to all of us. I hate him just as much as the King, more so perhaps given Carmichael pretended to be someone he’s not. I might have blood on my hands, but so does he. As soon as I left Cal’s office I wanted to confront Mr Carmichael, but in the end was persuaded to return to my room, to take stock, to decide what the fuck we’re going to do now.
We all fall silent as the reality of our situation sinks in. It doesn’t matter that none of us ever met Camden’s mum. It doesn’t matter that she’s no relation to us. We’re not like the King or Monk, every single one of us are hurting because we care about Camden. When one of us bleeds, so do the rest of us.
Eventually, Kate is the one to break the silence.
“So, let me get this straight, Mr Carmichael’s the Black Sheep and he’s the one the King wants you to kill in exchange for Pink’s life?” she asks.
“It looks that way,” Sonny agrees. “We all know Carmichael has a shady past. He’s been open enough about what he did to get put into prison, and why. They must’ve known each other before, him and the King.”
“Do you think he was part of the King’s crew before he went to prison?”
“He must’ve been, Kate. Once the King has claimed you as his own, there’s no leaving. Death is the only way out… This place here, it’s all a fucking pipe dream,” Eastern mutters, then looks at me with a pained look in his eyes.
“So why didn’t Cal show the note to Carmichael then?” she persists.
“Isn’t it obvious?” I ask. “He doesn’t trust him now any more than the rest of us do.”
“What about Grim? She hangs out in those circles. She’s met Mr Carmichael now too. Why didn’t she recognise him?” Kate asks.
“Grim’s only in her mid-twenties. Mr Carmichael is in his mid-forties. He’s been in prison for most of her life, why would she recognise him?” Sonny replies.
“Yeah, I see your point,” she agrees. “But where does that leave us? Where does that leave Pink? Because I know you’re not capable of killing Mr Carmichael,” Kate continues, looking at me. I refuse to meet her eyes.
“Not that he doesn’t deserve it,” Eastern mutters darkly and I have to agree.
Mr Carmichael has lied to all of us. He’s watched us battle against our predicament knowing all along that the King was closing in. Did he know that he was the real target? Did he throw us all under the bus to save his arse, to buy him time? Maybe he did it to draw the King out. Maybe he knew all along I was the King’s daughter and he lied to me about that too.
All I know is that he used us, they all have.
And I’m done with it. I’m done being a pawn in someone else’s game. Monk, the King, Mr Carmichael, Crown, they all have their own agenda. Every single one of them are using us to get what they want.
I will not allow Pink to be another victim. I’d rather die first.
“Well, what do we do now?” Kate presses, and I see her own thoughts whirring in her mind about how we move forward from this point.
“We have one choice, and one choice only…” I begin, hauling in a steadying breath and steeling myself for their response.
“And what’s that, Asia?” Sonny asks, eyeing me carefully.
“We take the matter into our own hands.”
“How?” Eastern asks. I expected him to try and persuade me to stick to the plan, to wait it out and rely on the ‘adults’ to get us out of this mess. Instead, the determined set of his jaw and the matching gleam in his eye tells me a whole different story. Eastern is done playing this game too. It’s time to act.
