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35
Propping his head up on his hand, Camden gives me an intense look. “Were you really going to leave us?” he asks, half an hour later. We’re under the duvet covers, still very much naked and relaxed in each other’s company enough to be honest, to open up.
I sigh heavily, knowing this was coming and knowing I have to answer truthfully.
“I didn’t think. I acted. It was a stupid thing to do…”
My voice trails off, but I refuse to look away.
“But did youwantto leave us…?” he persists, his beautiful brows drawing together in a frown.
“I won’t lie to you, Camden. There was a brief moment when I wanted everything to go away, the responsibility, the sadness, the fucking pain and disappointment. A moment of weakness, that’s all it was.”
He nods. “I get it, Asia. There’s only so much any of us can take, but you have to know that all of us, me, Eastern, Ford and Sonny, we all want to be there for you. Weneedyou. I fucking need you.” He leans in to kiss me gently. It’s such a heart-warming kiss that I find it difficult to break away, but I need to explain fully how I feel. I owe him that much, given all that he’s lost.
“I thought Mr Carmichael was different,” I admit. “I believed him when he said he cared. I believed it when he said that he could make a difference to our lives, my life, even when I pretended I didn’t. I can handle knowing he’s the Black Sheep, what I can’t understand is why he lied about it. Why he threw us all under the bus, why he chose to protect himself over protecting us. That hurt.It hurts.”
Camden’s fingertips feather over my arm, a gentle warmth spreading out from his touch. “I understand…” His voice trails off as he looks at me, trying to decide whether he should tell me something.
“What is it?”
“The King, your father... he meant something to me once. Back when they first started dating, mum didn’t know who he was. Neither did I. He was just a charming businessman with lots of cash. I’d trusted him to take care of us, but he was like a cancer, Asia. Before long he weaved his way into our lives. He destroyed our family. He tore us apart. The King killed Mum and now he’s trying to destroy you too. I won’t allow it. When the time comes, I’ll be the one to kill him.Me, Asia. I’ll do it gladly.”
“No!” I protest. “It isn’t down to you. He’smyfather, Camden,” I say, sitting up and grasping his chin between my fingers, forcing him to look at me.
“And he killedmymother. Ineedto do this.” His fingers wrap around my hand, gently prying it away. “Please.”
There’s no point in arguing, I can see nothing that I’ll say will change his mind right now. It’s all too raw and honestly I’d rather spend this short time together being close, not rowing over a man who doesn’t deserve any more of our attention. No matter what Camden believes, it won’t be him who kills the King.
“Tell me about your mum, Asia,” he asks as I settle back down in his arms.
“There’s not much to say,” I reply, my fingers drawing circles on his bare chest. His skin is smooth, apart from little tufts of hair peppered across his chest. I like it. I like him…a lot.
“What was she like?”
“She was a woman who couldn’t cope with this naughty kid always getting chucked out of school. She was someone who couldn’t deal with a life lived in poverty, in a shitty, flea-infested flat with barely any food to get us by. She couldn’t see beyond her own pain. She ran into the arms of heroin to obliterate all the bad things I did and all the crap we lived amongst. I didn’t make her life any easier.”
Camden is quiet for a long while, thoughtful. Eventually he speaks. “She was an addict, Asia. That wasn’t on you. How can you blame yourself for that?”
“Because I lived up to the person she believed me to be,” I continue, not able to stop now that I’ve started purging my soul. “If I’d worked harder to help her, to begood, maybe she’d still be alive today?”
“You were a kid, what could you have done?”
“More…”
“Getting her better wasn’t on you.”
“I was a shitty kid, Cam. Naughty doesn’t even describe how bad I was. I did it all to get her attention, to try and force her to be the mum I needed because attention for doing bad things was better than no attention at all… I let her down.”
“She letyoudown, not the other way around.”
“It doesn’t matter now. There’s no going back.”
“And the graffiti?” he asks on the back of a sad smile.
“My escape, a way to express myself.”
He nods, drawing me against his side, holding me close. “Same… It’s the only thing in my life that didn’t fucking suck.”
