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“You think…?Fuck. You think I’d be unfaithful, is that it? Do you think I’m that kind of man, Connie?” He glares at me, a little of the anger he always seems to have when I’m nearby, returned.
“But I thought you and her…”
He shakes his head. “No, Connie. I might sleep with women for sex, but I’m not a fucking cheat. That isn’t me. Lola is my friend. She’s only ever been my friend.”
“You don’t want her like that?”
“No.”
“But you want me…?” I ask him, holding my breath whilst I wait for his answer.
“It doesn’t matter what I want…”
“It matters to me,” I press.
“What I want isn’t important.”
“Why?”
He ignores my question, scraping a hand over his face. “I’m not the man you need. I’m no more than a stranger… You know nothing about me, about who I really am.”
“You don’t have to be a stranger.”
He laughs bitterly, some of the darkness I’ve been used to creeping back in. “I’m broken, Connie. This, whatever this is, it can’t happen. Not now, not ever. Do you understand?”
“I hear what you’re saying. In fact I understand you perfectly, that doesn’t mean I have to listen.”
“That look you’re giving me now tells me all I need to know. You’re looking for roses and romance, happily ever afters and love songs,” he says, flashing a look at my notepad lying open on the bench between us. “I’m not that man. I’m not someone who can fulfil your notion of romance. This will never be a fairytale story with everlasting love. I can’t give you what you dream of... I break hearts, Connie.”
Gathering my notepad and pen and sliding them into my rucksack, I pick up my guitar and stand. “Here’s the thing, you’ll never be able to break my heart because it was broken a long time ago when my parents died.”
“Connie…” he begins, guilt for making me admit that rippling behind his eyes. His mouth opens, but I hold my hand up not giving him a chance to speak.
“This thing between us, it’s attraction, plain and simple. So the question really isn’t about whether you might break my heart, Malakai, but whether you’re strong enough to make sure I don’t break yours.” With that, I turn on my heel and walk away, the lie heavy on my lips.
My heart might already be broken by my parents’ deaths, but I’m pretty sure Malakai Azaiah Dunbar has the power to shatter it completely.
