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18
Three years ago
“Titch! You made it. I was about to come get you. How did you get away?” York asks as he pulls me into a hug and wraps his arms around me in the dim light of the hallway leading down into the basement.
“Mum eventually passed out on the sofa at nine and Lena is staying over at a friend’s house,” I explain, wrapping my arms around his waist and allowing myself a moment to relax into his hold.
“I’m so fucking glad you’re here. New Year’s Eve wouldn’t be the same without you, Titch.” York presses a soft kiss against the top of my head, then cups my face in his hands, looking at me intently. “Three months to go,” he whispers.
“Don’t remind me.”
My heart hurts.
There’s no other way to describe the way I feel. It’s like a constant ache in my chest that not even sleep can heal. I don’t want to decide. I don’t want to choose. I can’t.
Just like Xeno suggested, I’ve spent time with all of the Breakers individually and it’s only made the decision harder. I’ve even spent time alone with Xeno even though he already made it clear that he was taking himself out of the running. Not that this is a race or a competition. Not one I want to be a part of anyway.
Thing is, when we’re together I catch Xeno looking at me when he thinks I don’t notice. Since the night I confessed how I felt about them all, he hasn’t brought anyone back to the basement. Then again, that doesn’t mean shit. Since I’ve known him, he’s never been without a girl. Perhaps he just spends time with them elsewhere.
“You know whoever,whateveryou choose, you’re still my Titch, okay?” York says, trying to ease the hurt that’s so obviously etched on my face.
I nod my head, unable to answer him. For the last couple of months I’ve been trying to figure out what to do, falling more in love with them all. We’re all so close, and at times I can even imagine us being happy together as a family in some big house somewhere far away from here. I know it’s a pipe-dream, but I can’t help but hold onto the hope that someday we’ll all be together, number fifteen Jackson Street and all the trouble it harbours just above our heads, a distant memory.
“It’s hard…” I mumble, not able to express myself in the way I want. I did that before, and look where we’ve ended up. Lately, I’ve kept my thoughts and feelings to myself. It’s better that way. Although, that’s not so easy around York. He can read me like an open book.
“I know.” York nods, pulling me tighter against his chest. Pressing my nose against the dip in his neck, I breathe him in, drawing in his expensive scent. It makes me feel lightheaded. I’m not sure how he affords to buy CK One. I don’t ask. It’s not my business, but I love it. That scent will forever remind me of him.
“It’s quiet in the house. Where is everyone?” I ask, pulling back and trying to regain control of my emotions and my need to run my nose against his skin.
“Out. According to Zayn, Jeb’s taken over Tiger, a club in the city. The whole gang is there. We’re currently on guard duty,” he explains, chewing on the inside of his cheek.
I frown. “Since when have you guys ever been on guard duty? Isn’t that for actual members of the gang?”
“Jeb’s called in a favour.”
“A favour?” I groan internally, worry leaking into my bloodstream. “Isn’t that where it always starts?”
“We’ve gotten to use this basement for years hassle-free and he’s left us alone. It’s just one night. Don’t worry yourself about it.” York brushes my fear away, but I know him. He’s worried, I can tell.
“York…”
“It’s okay, Titch. Seriously.”
For a long time, the Skins plotting world domination above our heads never affected us. In the basement below them we could dance and muck around, we could sit and talk and be friends without any outside influences affecting us. Even my mum’s constant verbal and physical abuse seems like a distant memory when I’m with my Breakers. I can even cope with a world where David exists so long as I have them by my side. They hate him as much as I do. Despite the fact that he’s officially one of the Skins, he spends very little time at Jackson Street because he’s been given the responsibility of overseeing Jeb’s drugs ring in the south side of the river. He’s set up with a flat, a car and money to pay for women who let him unleash his violence on them daily. I’ve heard rumours about some of the things he’s done that make me sick, and whilst I feel for those women, I’m only glad that I’m no longer in his line of sight.
Over the past few years, it’s been all too easy to forget the dangers that surround us but lately the walls have been closing in and Jeb has been asking for more and morefavoursfrom the guys. Tonight isn’t the first time he’s cashed in. It’s been small things, nothing the average Joe would consider dangerous, but every time they agree to help it makes me feel like Jeb’s just getting them warmed up for more sinister stuff. I’ve noticed all four of them withdrawing from me. There’s been a few occasions where they’ve stopped talking when I’ve entered the basement. It doesn’t take a genius to know that they’re hiding something from me.
“Come on, Titch, it’s New Year’s Eve. Let’s celebrate, yeah? Everything else can wait,” York cajoles, sensing my reluctance to enter the basement. It’s not just because of Jeb’s request. I’m not really in the mood for socialising with their extensive group of friends. I want to be selfish and have them all to myself.
“Okay,” I respond, plastering on a fake smile that York instantly dissolves with a soft kiss.
“Don’t put a show on for me, Titch. I see you,” he says gently, before clasping my hand and pulling me into the basement.
The moment I step into the room, my mouth drops open in shock. The room is lit up with fairy lights that hang from every corner and tealights dotted around the room, making the space magical, but that isn’t the most incredible thing. Graffitied across the back wall is a beautiful mural of four boys who look suspiciously like my guys holding up the word Breakers. Sitting with her legs crossed on top of the word is me, or at least a version of me. She’s flicking a bronze coin in the air, a penny to be exact.
“Oh my God, who did this?”
“Surprise,” Zayn grins, pulling me in for a hug, his excitement rubbing off on me. “Do you like it?”
