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25
“Nice of you to turn up,” Xeno growls as I step into the studio almost an hour late. Everyone’s eyes fix on me, but I avoid looking at any of them. Truth be known, I debated whether to turn up at all, but with David’s threat ringing in my ears and self-preservation kicking in, I cleaned up the mess in the studio as best I could with paper towels from the ladies room, then dried my eyes and hauled arse.
“It won’t happen again,” I respond, gritting my teeth. I really don’t need Xeno’s attitude on top of everything else that’s happened today. He gives me a dark look, a frown pulling together his brows, but doesn’t grill me further.
“Pen’s been feeling rubbish all week,” Clancy interjects, doing her best to stick up for me. I give her a half-hearted smile, grateful for her, but knowing it won’t make a difference. I’m fucking this up and she shouldn’t have to cover for me.
“Urgh, what a piss poor excuse.Someof us take this seriously and don’t go out every night getting pissed.” Tiffany smirks, running her gaze over me like I’m a piece of shit on her shoe. I don’t even have the energy to argue or to defend myself. Screw her anyway. She’s insignificant when all is said and done.
“Wehaven’tbeen getting pissed every night,” Clancy retorts, giving Tiffany a scathing look. “And even if we had, what the fuck has it got to do with you?”
“Everything, actually. This show can make or break us as dancers. If you’re not willing to put the time and effort in, then it’s going to reflect badly on everyone, and I for one don’t needherto mess it up for the rest of us,” Tiffany responds, giving me a haughty glare.
“Oh, shut up, Tiffany. You’ve been fucking a different guy every night this past week going by the sounds coming from your room. So don’t pretend you’ve not been burning the midnight oil getting your rocks off,” River accuses, flashing me a wink. Bless him.
“That’s none of your business,” she fumbles, her cheeks flushing as she glances over at Zayn. Urgh, I don’t need to guess who one of herguestswas.
“I don’t know why you’re looking at me,Princess,” Zayn sneers, looking her up and down. “You really need to choose your fuck-buddies wisely, the guy who was brave enough to dip his dick in your pussy last night sounded like a rhino being shot.”
Clancy barks out a laugh then covers her mouth with her hand. So Zayn hasn’t slept with her then? I glance at York who raises an eyebrow and shrugs. Fucking arsehole.
“Fuck off, Zayn,” Tiffany retorts, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment as she grabs her bag and strides from the room.
“Well, I’m outta here. See you bitches later,” Sophie says to us all before squeezing Zayn’s arm. “We did good today.”
If she expects a compliment back, she doesn’t get one. Despite everything that’s gone down today, I allow myself a small smile at his indifference and ignore her glare as she strides past.
“Well, I’m out too. Catch you later.” River strides across the studio, stopping to give my arm a squeeze.
“Thanks,” I mutter. He stuck up for me when he didn’t have to, and I’m grateful. It’s been a long time since anyone’s had my back like him and Clancy.
“Hey, I might have to dance with her, but I sure as fuck don’t have to listen to her bullshit. Hope you feel better soon, Pen.” With that he walks out of the studio leaving me with the Breakers and Clancy who immediately comes to my side. She’s about to say something when Xeno interrupts her.
“We’re done here tonight. Good work, Clancy. You can go. Dax, I need you to stay behind. I want to talk to you and Pen.”
Clancy pulls a face, her eyes asking a thousand questions that I’m not able to answer right now, or ever, actually. “Pen?” she questions.
“It’s alright. I’ve got this,” I say.
“Sure?”
I plaster a reassuring smile on my face. “I’m sure.”
York and Zayn make no attempt to follow Clancy, and when Dax steps behind me locking the studio door, I ready myself for the inevitable storm. This is the first time I’ve been alone with all four of them since they’ve returned. I’m not going to lie, there have been many occasions I’ve thought about this moment over the years, how I’d behave, what I’d say if confronted with them all again. I’ve held onto bitterness and anger for so long, using it to stop myself from feeling the guilt about the part I played in our demise. I resented them for joining the Skins and I held onto that fact when I obliterated our friendship, using it to assuage my own guilt over the years. When they left without a backward glance, it only made me believe that what we had was never real in the first place. Three years is a long time to hold onto that kind of disappointment and pain.
Xeno parks his arse on the edge of the table he’s standing in front of and motions for me to enter the room. “Let’s see what we’re working with. Dance,” he orders, all business-like and emotionless.
Zayn, York, and Dax make themselves comfortable as they all watch me walk into the centre of the studio upon shaky legs that I force to be steady. When I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror, I’m shocked at just how appalling I look. Talking to David and carrying the weight of his threat has turned me into a person I don’t recognise. But instead of crumbling, I use that to fuel my fire, lighting the tinder of hate for my brother into a raging inferno. I need an outlet for it, and as usual it’s dance.
“Music?” Xeno questions, cocking his head to the side as he watches me. His grass-green eyes fixed entirely on my face as though he’s trying to read me the same way York was always capable of doing so well.
“She doesn’t need any music,” Zayn intercedes, watching me closely. There’s no malice in his words, just a deep understanding of who I am that makes me want to launch myself into his arms. It feels like an olive branch, and yet the scowl that follows tells me it’s just an observation, a fact, nothing more.
Regardless, he's right. I don’t need any music. My soul just wants the outlet of dance. I can feel myself humming with restlessness, at my need to drive away the demons that chase me with something that has always soothed me whenever I’m overwhelmed with emotion. Both the good and the bad. I’m well aware that I’m about to open myself up in a very personal way but honestly, I’m past caring. I’ve walked the tightrope of my emotions so carefully these past three years that the Breakers return, and my brother’s and Jeb’s threats, have well and truly off-balanced me. I’m freefalling with no idea who to trust or what the fuck I should do.
With my resolve waning, I look between each of my Breakers before finally resting my gaze on Xeno. “You wanted my truth. Well, here it is.”
My anger reveals itself first as I launch into a tirade of steps, storming over the floor with heavy feet and angry jerks of my body. My fist punches the air as I twist and turn, jerking my body roughly to the slamming, staccato beat of my heart. I pop and lock, drop and spin, my rage flooding every inch of me as I push upwards onto the balls of my feet and flip forward, launching my body off the ground and landing with a violence that penetrates the air.
