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“Nothing but your friendship, and even then, only if you’re willing to give it. I swear to you, Pen, I have no ulterior motive other than that.”
“Are you certain? Because you seemed pretty keen on digging up the past yesterday.”
“I can’t deny that I want an explanation, Pen. That I deserve one, that wealldo, but I’m not trying to buy your honesty or your truths. I understand that I need to earn your trust again, the old-fashioned way.”
“Then I accept your gift for what it is, Zayn, and I’m willing to try.” It takes everything in me not to throw myself at his feet and beg for forgiveness, but a little bit of fear and a whole shitload of pride holds me back.
“Good.”
“But what about…”
“The others?” Zayn sighs, scraping a hand over his face. The shadows beneath his eyes might have lessened but the worry within them hasn’t.
I nod. “Yes. How do they feel about it?”
“Honestly, I really don’t give a fuck.”
“Zayn, I don’t want to get between you all—”
“I’m a grown man, as are those motherfuckers. They can do what they want, but it won’t stop me from going after whatIwant, and I sure as fuck don’t care whathewants.”
“Xeno?” I question, knowing I’m right.“He’ll never forgive me, will he?”
“Xeno has always been a hard arse, but these past few years have changed him, Pen.”
I nod my head in understanding. These past three years have changed all of us. “What about York, Dax?”
“That’s a conversation you need to have with them, but I will tell you this. When you walked away, Dax withdrew into himself more than ever and York lost his optimism, his enthusiasm for everything. It was fucked up.Wewere fucked-up for a long time,” he says with brutal honesty.
“I’m sorry,” I say, meaning it even though I know my apology won’t change a thing, it won’t negate what I did. There are so many wounds to heal, but it’s not so easy a task to pick up where we left off. In fact, right now it seems like an impossible task given the situation I’m in. “I’m sorry I hurt you all.”
“I can see that now, Pen. I can also see that something’s eating away at you. York isn’t the only one who can read you. He was just always better at it than me,” he says, getting up as he looks intently at me, trying hard to see the secrets in my heart.
“Zayn—” I begin.
“It’s okay. I meant what I said. I’m here when you want to talk.” He walks towards me, wincing a little as he moves. The stitches must be bothering him still. I swallow down the bile rising up my throat. I can’t believe Jeb cut him, has done it repeatedly over the years. Ihatethat man. I hate him so fucking much.
“You’re in pain…”
“Not anymore I’m not,” he says gruffly. “You look like you could use a hug.”
My eyes flick downwards to his hand. I hesitate, wanting nothing more than to fall into his arms but David’s words ring inside my head, reminding me once again that nothing will ever be easy or straightforward between us.
“You’re going to befriend the Breakers once more. You’re going to make them fall in love with you again, and you’re going to find out every last secret Jeb is keeping from me. Then when the time is right, we are going to destroy them once and for all. I will stick to my side of the deal, so long as you stick to yours.”
“Pen…?” Zayn questions, cocking his head to the side. He waits patiently, his hand held out. This is a peace offering, a chance to begin again and rightly or wrongly, I take it. I push David’s words out of my head as Zayn pulls me against his chest and wraps his arms around me. “I’ve missed you so fucking much, Pen,” he mutters into my ear.
“I’ve missed you too,” I reply softly. He squeezes me tighter and I bury my nose in his neck, breathing him in and hoping to fuck I can find a way out of this mess before I hurt him all over again.
After a while, Zayn eases back and stares down at me. I recognise the look in his eyes, see the lust flaring in his obsidian orbs, and as much as I want to give into my own desire, we really don’t have time for that now. I can’t deny that I want to seal our tentative bond with more than a kiss, but I get the feeling that Xeno’s petty enough to report back to Madame Tuillard if we’re late to rehearsals. Besides, I need a little more time before I can give myself completely to Zayn like that. Sleeping with him is a huge leap, one I’m not quite ready for.
“Another time, perhaps?” he mumbles, reading my hesitation.
He leans down to press his lips against mine and I accept the softness of his mouth, revelling in the firm grip of his fingers as he grasps hold of me possessively.
“Hey, how did you get into my room exactly?” I ask when we finally head down to Studio Two.
Zayn laughs. “York isn’t the only one who can pick a lock.”
