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24
Pen
We gaze at each other as a fist wraps itself around my stomach and squeezes hard. My heart fucking aches for him. It aches for me, for all of us. I see the loss of what could’ve been right there in his eyes before he blinks it away furiously, refusing to acknowledge that feeling.
“We broke each other, Xeno. You chose the Skins long before I ever chose Jeb,” I counter sadly.
Xeno scoffs, stepping back and away from me like I’m some kind of bad smell or poisonous creature he can’t be within a few metres of. The tiny moment of softness in his eyes is gone, snatched away once more by his furious need tohate.
“What did he promise you, Pen? Was it riches? Was it a guaranteed place here at the Academy? Did he promise you that all your dreams would come true, huh?”
“No, it wasn’t like that.” I wrap my fingers around my phone and grit my jaw, standing. The chair scrapes over the wooden floor as I do. I’m still not tall enough to match him in height, but my heeled boots give me an extra few inches. I straighten my spine and raise my jaw in defiance. Angry that he could think so little of me.
“No? Did hefuckyou good then? Was that it? Did he fuck you better than the four of us would, given half the chance? Did he take your fucking virginity, Pen? Or did he loan you out as some kind of whore? Did youlethim?”
The sound of my hand slapping his face rings out before I’ve even realised what I’ve done. His head snaps around, the sting of my slap is a bright red mark against his cheek. My chest heaves as more angry tears burn my eyes. “How fuckingdareyou!”
“That’s more like it. That’s the girl I knew,” he says, pinning me with his green eyes that are like two broken bottles glinting in the sunlight. “Where the fuck did she go?”
“What?” I snap, barely holding on.
“That night. Where did that girl go, Pen? Who the fuck was that person who sat at our table and fucking broke us? Who the fuck was she? Because she sure as fuck wasn’t the girl we knew. Shewasn’tTiny.”
“I didn’t go anywhere,” I say, looking away from the intensity of his stare, my throat closing over, unbearable pain lancing through my chest.
“You walked the fuck away, Pen! Just like all the other girls who fucking used us to get tohim,” he spits.
“Who?” I ask.
“Jeb! Who the fuck do you think? All those girls we trusted over the years. Every last one of them used us, used the Breakers to get to him. We thought you were different. We believed you when you said you loved us!” he shouts.
“I—” I begin but slam my mouth shut. I didn’t know that. I just assumed the boys dumped them, not the other way around. My chest is heaving, fucking tears well behind my eyes but I blink them back. I will not cry. I fucking won’t.
“Was it his status? The allure of the big-dicked gangster.”
“No,” I shake my head, but he doesn’t appear to be listening.
“You saidwewere the ones you wanted, and when we gave you that, you fucking shat on us.”
“Youwerethe ones I wanted,” I say, but even to my own ears it sounds feeble. Not that Xeno hears me. He’s too lost to his rant.
“We were a fucking family, Pen. You fucked us up. You fuckedmeup!” he roars, gripping hold of my upper arms. “Look at me. Look at what I’ve become!”
And I do look. I do see what he’s become, and it makes me feel nauseous. He really has changed, but he doesn’t get to pin that on me and use me as an excuse.
No. No fucking way.
“I’m not responsible for how you choose to behave, Xeno. Yes, I walked. Yes, I broke your hearts, but I haven’t seen you for three goddamn years. I didn’t make you into this person. You did that all by yourself,” I say, swiping at the tears rolling down my face. “You don’t get to blame me for that. You don’t get to blame me for everythingyou’vedone inhisname whilst we’ve been apart. So don’t you dare accuse me of breaking us first when I lost all four of you to Jeb way before that night.” I shove my hands against his chest as hard as I can, and he stumbles backwards. Shock and sadness replaces the self-righteous anger and pain.
I don’t hang around. I’m done with him.
I’m fucking done.
He reaches the door just before I do, and I almost collide into his body. “We are not fucking done,” he growls.
“Get the fuck out of my way, Xeno!” I’m shaking so much that my teeth are chattering. “I’m not doing this with you. You wanted me to leave, so I’m leaving.”
“I’ve changed my damn mind. We’re doing this right the fuck now.”
