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“Urgh, have a little faith in yourself. Jeez, mum really did a number on you, didn’t she?”
“That’s not what this is about. I’mrealistic. I’ve got nothing to fall back on should my whole dream go to shit, Lena. I went to school, but I didn’t really try. Don’t be me. Don’t make the same mistake. Have a back-up plan.”
“Yeah, yeah, okay,” she replies, doing a good job at eating all of the chocolate cake. I don’t mind, the hot chocolate is enough of a sugar hit for me anyway.
“So, how’s mum?” I ask, feeling like it’s something I have to say because truthfully, I really don’t care how she is, I only care in relation to how she’s looking after Lena.
“She’s mum,” Lena responds, shrugging.
“What does that mean?”
Lena pulls a face.
“Lena!” I warn. “What are you hiding?”
“She forgot to come pick me up Friday afternoon when I got back from my trip. It was so embarrassing waiting for her long after everyone else went home. Eventually Miss Spratt felt sorry for me and offered to drop me home. I had to make an excuse about her being caught up at work. She was passed out on the sofa when I got in. I think she had one glass too many.”
“That irresponsible bitch!” I growl. “Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve come got you.”
“It was cool, honestly. Besides, I didn’t want you to get into trouble having to leave a lesson to come get me. I don’t want to get in the way of your dream.”
“Lena,” I say, leaning over the table to grab her hand in mine. “You’re my top priority. Always. No matter what.”
Lena gives me a half smile, the little dimple in her left cheek showing. “Yeah, but I shouldn’t be. That’s mum’s job. You’re not my mum, Pen. She is.”
“I’m well aware of that and I don’t care. I’m here for you. Next time something goes wrong, you call me, okay?”
“But—”
“You call me,” I insist.
Lena nods, and I see the weight she’s been carrying lift from her shoulders. Guilt attacks me. I hate leaving her alone with our mum. I’d always been the buffer between Lena and my mum’s addiction and nasty behaviour. Now Lena has to face it on her own, and it guts me.
“I can deal with it. You had to.”
“But that’s the whole point. No one should have to deal with that shit.”
“Yeah, I know,” she sighs. “But I swear, Pen. I can handle Mum. I just give her some painkillers and put her to bed if she’s semi-sober. Otherwise, I let her sleep it off. It’s no big deal.”
Anger boils inside my chest. Lena’s a kid. She shouldn’t have to deal with this. I can’t stand it. “Maybe I can find a flat or something. You could move in with me…” I voice out loud, trying to find a solution to the problem
“Pen, Iknowyou don’t have the money for that.”
“I’m starting a new job in a couple of weeks—”
“Wait, what? You didn’t say! So you’re not working at Rocks anymore?”
“Nope, and my new employer pays better too. If I can save for a couple of months, I could get a deposit together for a cheap rental somewhere. Like a studio flat or something. If mum’s getting worse I can’t risk leaving you with her. It’s not safe.”
“No, Pen. I know you see me as a kid, but I’m not a baby. I swear I can handle it. Save your money and then maybe when you’ve finished the scholarship at the Academy and have an amazing job in a West End show we can talk about this again.”
“Lena—”
“I can handle Mum.” She gives me a determined look. It’s the look of a kid who’s had to grow up too fast. It’s the look of a kid who’s already jaded by the world, and I fucking hate it.
“I don’t like this, not one bit, Lena,” I say, swiping a hand over my face. “Promise me you’ll call the second anything goes wrong. I mean it. If you need me, I don’t care what time of day or night it is. You call, understand?”
“I understand. Besides, I spend most of my time at Laura’s or Simone’s house so it’s cool.”
