AllFreeNovel
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“What, give someone a lift in his car?” I roll my eyes. “You both need to dial it back a notch. I might’ve longed for this kind of alpha, chest-beating bullshit as a kid, but I’m different now and I’m perfectly capable of accepting a lift in a man’s car without it having to mean I’mfuckingthem. Besides, have you forgotten who Beast’s girlfriend is? You two are crazy if you think I’d mess around with him. Grim would have me killed.” That’s one man I will never fucking touch with a barge pole. “Besides, there’s something calledgirl code, not to mention the fact that I don’t fucking wanthim,” I shout.
They both blink at my outrage. York places his bottle of beer on the counter and sits down on the bed next to me. “Who do you want, Pen?” he asks softly.
I laugh bitterly, unable to hide the stress in my voice. “Who do you think, York? I’m not the kind of girl to jump into bed with just any man who shows me the least bit of interest.”
“Wait, you two have slept together?” Zayn asks, looking between us both. His eyes narrow at York and he downs his beer in one long glug.
“And if we had?” I retort, feeling my hackles raise.
“Then I guess York is better at this wooing shit than I am…” Zayn’s voice trails off as I glare at him.
“Wooing shit? Is that what this has been about, Zayn, getting in my fucking pants?” I narrow my eyes at him, then glare at York who winces. “Oh, I get it. This is another one of your games, isn’t it? Well, fuck you both!”
Standing I stride towards the door, but a firm hand grips my wrist and yanks me back around. “No, this isn’t a game, Pen. Fuck, that came out all wrong,” Zayn says, looking at me intently, an apology in his eyes.
“Way to go, bro,” York mutters, shaking his head.
I look between them, not knowing what to think. Then I figure I may as well give them a little bit of honesty because what the fuck else have I got left to lose? “The only men I want aremyBreakers. It’s onlyeverbeen you four,” I say, trying to pull my hand free. Zayn’s grip just tightens. He steps closer, his free hand running up my arm and cupping the back of my neck.
“That was a cuntish thing to say, Pen. I’m sorry. I wouldn’t care if you had slept with York, though, admittedly, it might hurt my pride just a little,” he smiles tentatively. “See, here’s the thing. All I’ve thought about is you for the last three damn years. I denied ever wanting you. I lied to myself, but now that I’ve got you back, I’m a little fucking territorial over who gets to spend time with my—”
“Our,” York corrects.
“Our girl,” Zayn continues. “Seeing Beast put a smile on your face did something to me. It fucking scrambled my brain. I apologise.” He looks at me beseechingly. “I’m sorry, Pen.”
“That’s better, you fucking muppet,” York states, getting to his feet and joining us. He stands behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me back against him then drops a kiss on the top of my head.
“Don’t call me a muppet, you prick. You were about to blow a gasket seeing Pen with Beast. Don’t pretend to be all chivalrous now.”
York grumbles, but he doesn’t deny it.
“I’m just trying to work through this,” I say quietly.
“This as in us, or as in what you’re keeping secret?” Zayn asks tentatively.
“Both,” I admit.
He nods, glancing at York above my head. “Pen, I know you feel like you can’t trust us. Fuck, it hurts like a motherfucker that you feel you can’t, but I get it. Iunderstand.” Zayn’s thumb rubs over my knuckles soothingly, and York’s arms tighten around my waist in comfort, but it isn’t enough.
“You don’t get it, Zayn. I so desperately want to tell you what’s going on, I really fucking do, but how can I when not all of you are on board? This isn’t just about you and York, it’s about Dax and Xeno, too. It’s about everything that happened between us three years ago. It’s not something I can share if half of the Breakers refuse to even look at me, let alone try to fix what’s broken. Fuck, I shouldn’t even be saying this.”
My shoulders drop and my head falls back against York’s chest as I shut my eyes against the sting of tears threatening to fall. Today, I secured my sister’s safety, but what about my heart? Because that’s still broken, and it still fucking bleeds.
“Pen—” Zayn whispers, his voice filled with empathy that only makes my heart break more.
“I don’t know how to do this anymore,” I admit, fucking exhausted from trying to hold it all together. It’s like trying to make a castle out of sand. Every time I think I’ve made something strong enough to withstand the elements, a huge waves comes along and fucking washes it away. “This is so much bigger than I can handle.”
“Then share your burden, Titch. We can help.”
“It’s not as simple as that. I just…”
“You need Xeno and Dax too,” York mutters against my hair, his lips pressing kisses to the top of my head.
“I needallof you. I always have. This was never just about me,” I say, trying to make them understand.
Zayn cups my face. “We’re going to fix this, Pen. If it means me beating the shit out of my two best friends to make them see sense, then I will. I’ll fucking do it.”
That makes me smile, a tiny laugh escaping my lips at the absurdity of it. “It’s a nice thought, but we all know Dax would make mincemeat out of you, and Xeno will take the beating and still not budge.”
