AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Don’t do that,” she bites out. Anger blazes across her face as she straddles me, her knees pressed to either side of my hips.
“Do what?”
“Lie to me. You’re not okay.Thisisn’t okay,” she exclaims.
“I’m not lying. It really doesn’t hurt.” My dick, however, that’s hurting right now. It’s straining against my joggers, desperate for a little respite as my body instantly reacts to her despite my exhaustion. She wiggles on my lap and my dick grows bigger. I watch her skin flush, but she just frowns, too preoccupied with my injury.
“It’ll scar, just like all the rest,” she whispers, her gaze trailing over my ruined chest before resting on my face. There are so many questions in her eyes, so much pain and regret that for the first time in my life I feel fucking helpless in a way that makes me uncomfortable. What the fuck must she think of me? I’m a murdering bastard. I took a man’s life tonight all in the name of the Skins, some piece of shit gang headed up by my poor excuse of an uncle. I’m doing this for a man I hate and a gang I want out of. Actually, that’s no longer true. I’m doing this for the Breakers, for Pen. We have a goal in sight, and now that Pen is back and ours once more, that goal is even more important. We’ve all got to carry on as usual until the time comes when we can take back our fucking freedom. Reaching up I brush her hair back off her face, my fingers trailing through the silky strands.
“I know what you’re thinking.”
“I’m mad, Zayn. So fucking mad. Furious, in fact.”
“I did what I had to do, Pen.”
Her nostrils flare, the concern in her gaze falling away, replaced instead with the anger she speaks of. “All of this is because of him. You’re scarred because ofthatfucking man!”
“I’m scarred by the choicesImade.”
“That’s bullshit. That boy I knew wasn’t a fucking murderer.Hemade you that way. I know you, Zayn, you’re not this man!” she cries, her fingers curling into my shoulders as she looks down at me. I see her battling with herself, with her love for me and her disgust at what I’ve done. I don’t envy her position. I couldn’t love me either given the circumstances.
“But Iam,Pen.Tonight I killed a man. I fucking watched the life bleed out of him. I saw his fucking soul snuff out right there in his eyes. I made sure I watched. Not because I’m a sick fuck who takes enjoyment in ending someone’s life, but so I can never fucking forget what I’ve done. I have to live with that.”
“You had no choice,” she says, grasping at excuses for me when we both know that there isalwaysa choice.
“I could’ve said no and suffered the consequences. I could’ve stood back and let him win. I didn’t. I chose to live. I choseus, I chose the Breakers. I will choose you and my brothers every fucking time. So, if I have to fight a thousand men to get to that place we’re all dreaming of and blacken my soul whilst I do it, I fucking will. This isn’t just about me. This is aboutus.”
Pen grits her teeth, and although her eyes are misty with tears, she refuses to let them fall. I’m grateful for that, because her tears will undo me, and right now I’m trying so fucking hard not to fall apart. Pen was always the one who kept us grounded, out of trouble. Without her we would’ve joined the Skins a lot earlier. She gave us a reason to be good. When she left, we had three years of embracing the violence with no one to remind us that what we were doing was wrong. Now that she’s back and ours again, we have to adjust. It’s not gonna be easy to face our crimes beneath the spotlight of her love.
“Zayn’s right,” Xeno says, from the open doorway. I hadn’t even noticed he was standing there and by the look of surprise on Pen’s face, neither had she. “Every single thing we do from now on is about the five of us. Every decision is withallof us in mind. Zayn needed to be that person tonight. If he’d refused to fight, if he hadn’t fought back, Jeb would’ve known something was up and you’d better believe that cunt would’ve put a bullet in his brain. It doesn’t matter to him that they’re related. The only person Jeb cares about is himself.”
Pen’s shoulders drop and she nods, studying Xeno closely. “That’s why you went wasn’t it, to make sure if that happened, you’d be there to shoot the bastard first?”
“Partly, yes, but I really did think you’d need York tonight. Did he help to distract you?” he asks, crossing his arms and leaning against the door frame.
“Yes.”
“Good. I knew he would. York has a way of making you see the bright side of life even when it’s mostly fucking dark.”
“Is it…?” Pen asks him.
Xeno frowns “Is it what?”
“Dark…for you?”
Xeno fixes his gaze on Pen. “Yeah, it has been for a long time, Tiny.”
Pen swallows hard, accepting his truth before turning to face me. “And you?”
“Sometimes it’s so fucking dark I think I’ve gone blind,” I admit.
She doesn’t say a word, instead she cups my face in her palm and holds her hand out to Xeno, offering us both solace in her arms. I hold my goddamn breath, but he doesn’t move even though I know he wants to. I canseehow much he fucking wants to.
“Are you really gonna stand there just like that stubborn seventeen-year-old kid you once were? There’s no need to be a fucking martyr, Xeno. Let her fuckingloveyou.”
He narrows his eyes at me, and I swear to fuck if looks could kill, I’d be dead right now.
“Are youtryingto piss me off?” he asks, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. He leans against it scowling, but I see the tremble of his hand, and the way he watches Pen like he wants to fucking bury himself inside of her. Xeno ain’t fooling anyone. He wants her. He wantsthis.
